Me: So what do you want to be when you grow up Brandon?
B: I want to be like daddy
Me: A teacher like daddy?
B: No, just like daddy
Me: Can you explain?
B: Because you're his wife
Me: And?
B: I want a nice wife!
He melts his mommy's heart! :)
The Doctor!
B: Hello little girl, are you ill?
H: Yes doctor, I have a headache and three fevers
B: (Pops the thermometer into her mouth) OK, let me check your temperament and if you have a heart
B: You have one fever, it's badH: Yes doctor, I have a headache and three fevers
B: (Pops the thermometer into her mouth) OK, let me check your temperament and if you have a heart
H: Oh No! What medicine will you give me?
B: Green, red and yellow medicine for one hundred days
H: That's good, I like red
B: I found your heart, it's beating
B: And now young lady (picks up the syringe) be brave... it's time for your projection!
I'm a Top Momma!!
I just got an email from TopMomma.com letting me know my blog has been listed at the top of their front page! How it works is a popular blog makes it to the top of the page and the least popular one gets a "time out" till they're popular again.
How do I stay at the top?
You make sure I do by visiting this link and clicking on my blog picture. It's the one of my gorgeous twins walking hand in hand on the beach (second top left). Really cool stuff!!!
I hope you help me stay on as a Top Momma!!
Dear Women in Black
I'm trying, I'm really trying to make friends with some of you while we wait for our kids at the school gate. But it's hard. Hard because I wish you wouldn't pointedly stare at my breasts like they have no business being hidden behind only a bra, a tunic top and a stole. Hard because you then stare at my jeans as if blue is an offensive color which raises your temper and/or makes you recoil in horror. Hard because one of you have daily for the last one week asked me if I wear colored contact lenses. I guess saying no in English, then Urdu, then English and Urdu while shaking my head from side to side hasn't convinced you that my eye color is natural like everyone elses. Neither has me sticking my finger in my right eye and rubbing my iris helped, so when I ignored your question today I don't think it was very nice of you to roll your eyes in disgust and whisper something to the other cow standing beside you who looked at me and giggled, which by the way I think she shouldn't do. I mean, some women can giggle and look cute, but some women just sound like hyenas and could keep a dentist busy for a few years. She really needs to do something about those teeth of hers, like have them knocked out by a professional boxer.
I liked standing near quiet and polite Mrs. something or the other. She was very nice and we chatted happily about our kids, the school and how rudely you all were staring at us while clearly ripping us to pieces, all the while thinking we didn't know. How dumb can you be? Five women all weighing close to or over two hundred lbs, covered from head to toe in black, scrambling to get closer to each others bulk and speaking in low fog horn sounding voices in an open area less than five feet from everyone else thinking they can't be heard? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Thankfully I don't carry a grudge, I prefer to ignore. And ignore you I will from now on while I privately thank you for giving me new topics to blog about.
Sincerely,
Alien Mom
I liked standing near quiet and polite Mrs. something or the other. She was very nice and we chatted happily about our kids, the school and how rudely you all were staring at us while clearly ripping us to pieces, all the while thinking we didn't know. How dumb can you be? Five women all weighing close to or over two hundred lbs, covered from head to toe in black, scrambling to get closer to each others bulk and speaking in low fog horn sounding voices in an open area less than five feet from everyone else thinking they can't be heard? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Thankfully I don't carry a grudge, I prefer to ignore. And ignore you I will from now on while I privately thank you for giving me new topics to blog about.
Sincerely,
Alien Mom
Ode to a Dead Pigeon!
H: Look B, a dead pigeon!
B: It's dead
H: It's dead
B: Yeah, it died.... it's dead
H: It died?
B: Yes, it died, dead
H: So it's dead
B: Dead
H: Dead
B: Mommy can we go to the play park?
B: It's dead
H: It's dead
B: Yeah, it died.... it's dead
H: It died?
B: Yes, it died, dead
H: So it's dead
B: Dead
H: Dead
B: Mommy can we go to the play park?
Motherhood = Madness
Lane Olinghouse said "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
I say the quickest way to ensure your kids become a pain in the butt is to 1. Look comfortable or 2. Get engrossed in work of some sort. The more likely that job is to hurt them in some way, the better. Like cooking, but not the preparation part of cooking. No, not while you're assembling the ingredients, or pulling out pots and pans. If you want your kids attention, slap a frying pan on the stove, add oil, heat it up and grab a piece of meat, fish or anything else which will splutter and sizzle when it hits the hot oil, I highly recommend frozen sausages which still have a little frost on them. Those cause a hell of a splash and sizzle if you throw them in the hot oil directly. It's an experiment so don't wait for them to defrost, it will defeat the purpose. Now, stand there and grab a timer, and check how long it takes for them to put in an appearance with some inane question or request. 10 seconds maximum I'd say. It's nearly impossible for them to wait longer, or come in before that. The same story with marinade in case you didn't know. They won't show up till you've gotten your hands nice and coated with marinade, then they'll pop into the kitchen and ask you to help them get the lid off a little box or fix the wheel back on their car.
Kids have made me believe that there HAS to be someone up there who loves to torture me. Which is why he or she programmed kids to be the way they are. No other reason for it, and I can't wait that long for science to figure out why. Scientists I'm told are too busy burying dinosaur bones under layers of the earth so they can prove Intelligent Design is false. That's what some of my more religious friends tell me anyway, I can't say for sure.
But never mind that, back to kids. MY kids, since I can't concern myself with what other people's kids are up to, I just don't have the energy to imagine my friends or family's kids running around doing even a quarter of what my kids do, and to imagine them doing everything like my kids would make me want to run screaming through the streets of Karachi, and we can't have that, oh no, no, NO. There's enough chaos out there these days. What with bombs going off every few days, hospitals declaring emergencies and people rushing home praying they miss the next explosion it just wouldn't be fair for me to add my personal madness to the already extreme mayhem. Besides, people would barely notice so what's the point if I don't get some well deserved attention?
Am I making sense? I don't think I am so why should you? ;) It's not my fault really, the kids have been driving me nuts for a week now. Well, they always drive me nuts but this week they've apparently decided I need more torture. Like right now they think standing near me arguing at the top of their lungs about who's a girl and who's a duck will distract me. They're right! So excuse me while I go play referee and at the same time convince myself that locking them up in the storage room won't solve my problems.
I say the quickest way to ensure your kids become a pain in the butt is to 1. Look comfortable or 2. Get engrossed in work of some sort. The more likely that job is to hurt them in some way, the better. Like cooking, but not the preparation part of cooking. No, not while you're assembling the ingredients, or pulling out pots and pans. If you want your kids attention, slap a frying pan on the stove, add oil, heat it up and grab a piece of meat, fish or anything else which will splutter and sizzle when it hits the hot oil, I highly recommend frozen sausages which still have a little frost on them. Those cause a hell of a splash and sizzle if you throw them in the hot oil directly. It's an experiment so don't wait for them to defrost, it will defeat the purpose. Now, stand there and grab a timer, and check how long it takes for them to put in an appearance with some inane question or request. 10 seconds maximum I'd say. It's nearly impossible for them to wait longer, or come in before that. The same story with marinade in case you didn't know. They won't show up till you've gotten your hands nice and coated with marinade, then they'll pop into the kitchen and ask you to help them get the lid off a little box or fix the wheel back on their car.
Kids have made me believe that there HAS to be someone up there who loves to torture me. Which is why he or she programmed kids to be the way they are. No other reason for it, and I can't wait that long for science to figure out why. Scientists I'm told are too busy burying dinosaur bones under layers of the earth so they can prove Intelligent Design is false. That's what some of my more religious friends tell me anyway, I can't say for sure.
But never mind that, back to kids. MY kids, since I can't concern myself with what other people's kids are up to, I just don't have the energy to imagine my friends or family's kids running around doing even a quarter of what my kids do, and to imagine them doing everything like my kids would make me want to run screaming through the streets of Karachi, and we can't have that, oh no, no, NO. There's enough chaos out there these days. What with bombs going off every few days, hospitals declaring emergencies and people rushing home praying they miss the next explosion it just wouldn't be fair for me to add my personal madness to the already extreme mayhem. Besides, people would barely notice so what's the point if I don't get some well deserved attention?
Am I making sense? I don't think I am so why should you? ;) It's not my fault really, the kids have been driving me nuts for a week now. Well, they always drive me nuts but this week they've apparently decided I need more torture. Like right now they think standing near me arguing at the top of their lungs about who's a girl and who's a duck will distract me. They're right! So excuse me while I go play referee and at the same time convince myself that locking them up in the storage room won't solve my problems.
So Far This Summer
We've only managed to get hit with illness and have spent most of our time indoors. It started with J coming down with a throat infection his first day home (maybe he's allergic to vacation). So he was down for a week or so, and just when he started to get better, Seek and Destroy came down with the same thing. Ugh! Such bad coughs and their fever just wouldn't break. With all my three babies on antibiotics, I was going crazy. Thankfully they started getting better and then it was my turn. Even Fathers Day came and went with barely a celebration. Horrible, Horrible stuff!! We're all better now and the nasty coughs are gone, so we're slowly venturing out a little.
We headed to the beach late Sunday afternoon and spent a good two hours there, then off we went to grandma's to drop off the kids for the night. J and I enjoyed our sleep in Monday.
Today, the kids and I were alone for the most part and had a blast just playing. I ignored all the housework and we had such a blast!!
Well, J is nearly done mixing some margaritas so I'm off to enjoy a relaxing evening with him!!
We have a ton of plans for the remainder of the summer, so more updates as we go along.
We headed to the beach late Sunday afternoon and spent a good two hours there, then off we went to grandma's to drop off the kids for the night. J and I enjoyed our sleep in Monday.
Today, the kids and I were alone for the most part and had a blast just playing. I ignored all the housework and we had such a blast!!
Well, J is nearly done mixing some margaritas so I'm off to enjoy a relaxing evening with him!!
We have a ton of plans for the remainder of the summer, so more updates as we go along.
Perfect Pizza Recipe
Ingredients
Pre-made pizza dough
Tomato sauce
Toppings of their choice
Cheese
Put daddy in-charge
Directions
Pre-heat over and hunt two inquisitive kids out of the way
Let daddy take the lead and allow kids to pile it all on
Watch their creativity flow
Laugh a lot
Bake for 15 minutes or as desired
Serve hot with chilled drink of your choice. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The author of this recipe refuses to take responsibility for the holy mess which may result during and after the preparation of this pizza. Counter tops may never regain their shine, kitchen sink may forever be clogged, oven mitts may retain scorch or burn marks and/or holes. Mommy's blood pressure levels may rise beyond control and tongue may be bitten till you taste blood to prevent "Not like THAT" orders.
Pre-made pizza dough
Tomato sauce
Toppings of their choice
Cheese
Put daddy in-charge
Directions
Pre-heat over and hunt two inquisitive kids out of the way
Let daddy take the lead and allow kids to pile it all on
Watch their creativity flow
Laugh a lot
Bake for 15 minutes or as desired
Serve hot with chilled drink of your choice. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The author of this recipe refuses to take responsibility for the holy mess which may result during and after the preparation of this pizza. Counter tops may never regain their shine, kitchen sink may forever be clogged, oven mitts may retain scorch or burn marks and/or holes. Mommy's blood pressure levels may rise beyond control and tongue may be bitten till you taste blood to prevent "Not like THAT" orders.
Theatrics
After the usual pre bedtime bath, I reminded them to put all their bath toys back in the shelves. They happily did that, and as usual said good night to each toy individually. Which means that each toy got a hug, a kiss, another hug and a whisper or two. Can you picture that? Sweet huh? Now picture two kids taking turns doing that! The last time I timed them, they were much younger, and it took about 15 to 17 minutes, but they're older now, and wiser to mommy's end of the day lack of patience, so it's just takes about 5-10 minutes these days. ;)
H came out of the bathroom and B followed her, then he sighed really loud and announced "It's so hard to say goodbye." To which his sister replied (naturally also with a loud sigh of her own) "Yes, I only like to say hello, goodbye makes me sad." Another sigh.. well, because it's H being H.
Are they watching movies from the 50's that I don't know about?
H came out of the bathroom and B followed her, then he sighed really loud and announced "It's so hard to say goodbye." To which his sister replied (naturally also with a loud sigh of her own) "Yes, I only like to say hello, goodbye makes me sad." Another sigh.. well, because it's H being H.
Are they watching movies from the 50's that I don't know about?
So...
H: Mommy, can we have a new baby?
Me: Um why?
H: Because I want one
Of course, because everything is just that simple
Me: Would you like a new doll?
Notice my feeble attempt to change the course of this discussion
H: No mommy, not a doll (wrinkles her nose in disgust) a REAL baby
Me: Why do you want a baby?
H: Because I like babies
Me: That's nice
H: So can you buy me one?
Me: You can't buy babies sweetie
H: Oh.....
I pause to take a deep breath, because like it or not I know it's coming.......... BHAM
H: Where do babies come from?
Me: From mommies tummies
H: (Puzzled look) How do they get there?
Please, not this from my three year old, not now, not for another decade!
Me: Well.........
B: Hey, watcha guys doing?
Phew
H: We can't buy a new baby, mommy has to put one in her tummy
B: Oh... Can I watch some TV mommy?
Me: Sure son
B: Let's go H
H: Ok... bye Mommy
Me: Bye sweetie
Thank you my son.
Me: Um why?
H: Because I want one
Of course, because everything is just that simple
Me: Would you like a new doll?
Notice my feeble attempt to change the course of this discussion
H: No mommy, not a doll (wrinkles her nose in disgust) a REAL baby
Me: Why do you want a baby?
H: Because I like babies
Me: That's nice
H: So can you buy me one?
Me: You can't buy babies sweetie
H: Oh.....
I pause to take a deep breath, because like it or not I know it's coming.......... BHAM
H: Where do babies come from?
Me: From mommies tummies
H: (Puzzled look) How do they get there?
Please, not this from my three year old, not now, not for another decade!
Me: Well.........
B: Hey, watcha guys doing?
Phew
H: We can't buy a new baby, mommy has to put one in her tummy
B: Oh... Can I watch some TV mommy?
Me: Sure son
B: Let's go H
H: Ok... bye Mommy
Me: Bye sweetie
Thank you my son.
The Negotiators
Mommy: OK guys, you can go to bed now, or in two minutes
H: 10 mitites (minutes) mommy
Mommy: Not 10 sweetie, 2 minutes
H: Please mommy 10 minutes?
Mommy: 5 minutes sweetie that's it.
B: (Eyes glued to the TV... grunts) 8 minutes!
Score: Twinship = 1, Mother = 0
H: 10 mitites (minutes) mommy
Mommy: Not 10 sweetie, 2 minutes
H: Please mommy 10 minutes?
Mommy: 5 minutes sweetie that's it.
B: (Eyes glued to the TV... grunts) 8 minutes!
Score: Twinship = 1, Mother = 0
Moments Like This!
As I was tucking them into bed a little while ago, B requested a song (as usual). I asked which one he wanted me to sing, and he said 'Little Einsteins'. So I sang the song... Yes I know the whole thing, and what's more... I know all the songs from all their favorite TV programs, and I may or may not be guilty of singing those songs while I do some laundry, or shower. LOL
After the song, I kissed him and said goodnight... he put his arms around my neck and said "Thank you mommy, you sing the best songs, and you're my favorite mommy in the whole wide world... I love you the most."
Definitely goes down as one of my best "mommy moments."
After the song, I kissed him and said goodnight... he put his arms around my neck and said "Thank you mommy, you sing the best songs, and you're my favorite mommy in the whole wide world... I love you the most."
Definitely goes down as one of my best "mommy moments."
A Serious Discussion!
B: Why do I have to wear underpants?
Me: Because you're a big boy now
B: Why am I a big boy now?
Me: Um because you're not a baby anymore
B: How did I become a big boy Mommy?
Me: You ate and drank lots of healthy things
B: Not like mice?
Me: (huh?) No not like Mice
B: Why am I a big boy... will I get bigger?
Me: Yes you will, you'll grow into a big boy
Haydn: Will he grow into a pumpkin?
Me: Um no, not a pumpkin
B: A melon?
Me: No
H: An apple?
Me: No fruits.... or vegetables
H: Animals mommy?
Me: I hope not (snickering)
B: That's boring
H: Yeah mommy, that's boring... I want B to be a pumpkin
Me: Why?
H: Because I'm Cinderella
Me: (a laugh)
B: I can't be your pumpkin, I'm your brother
H: Mommy can I have another brother like a pumpkin?
B: No.. mommy will buy us a puppy
H: Really?
B: Yeah
H: I like puppies
B: Me too
Me: Because you're a big boy now
B: Why am I a big boy now?
Me: Um because you're not a baby anymore
B: How did I become a big boy Mommy?
Me: You ate and drank lots of healthy things
B: Not like mice?
Me: (huh?) No not like Mice
B: Why am I a big boy... will I get bigger?
Me: Yes you will, you'll grow into a big boy
Haydn: Will he grow into a pumpkin?
Me: Um no, not a pumpkin
B: A melon?
Me: No
H: An apple?
Me: No fruits.... or vegetables
H: Animals mommy?
Me: I hope not (snickering)
B: That's boring
H: Yeah mommy, that's boring... I want B to be a pumpkin
Me: Why?
H: Because I'm Cinderella
Me: (a laugh)
B: I can't be your pumpkin, I'm your brother
H: Mommy can I have another brother like a pumpkin?
B: No.. mommy will buy us a puppy
H: Really?
B: Yeah
H: I like puppies
B: Me too
Like Father, Like Son!
The kids walked into the room while I was hooking up my bra. So H says "mommy you have big boobies" and B said "so does daddy" (weird huh? LOL) Then they went on to say that they both had small boobies.
And then B says "I like big boobies, yours are nice mommy"
I have no doubts he will be exactly like J when he grows up. LOL
And then B says "I like big boobies, yours are nice mommy"
I have no doubts he will be exactly like J when he grows up. LOL
New Word Phase!
The kids are obsessed with the words 'Bum & Bummy'
They are constantly saying "bummy" and breaking into gales of laughter. H even called a guy at the restaurant we visited a "monkey bum" and then she and B laughed hysterically, while J and I nearly died of embarrassment. Thank goodness he didn't hear her! Every song they sing they have to include the words 'bum' or' bummy'
Barney is a monkey bum
There was a farmer, had a bum
ABCDEFG, HIJK, I have a bummy
When you're happy and you know it, wiggle your bummy
Humpty Dumpty sat on his bummy
All this followed by cackling laughter! God help me!!
They are constantly saying "bummy" and breaking into gales of laughter. H even called a guy at the restaurant we visited a "monkey bum" and then she and B laughed hysterically, while J and I nearly died of embarrassment. Thank goodness he didn't hear her! Every song they sing they have to include the words 'bum' or' bummy'
Barney is a monkey bum
There was a farmer, had a bum
ABCDEFG, HIJK, I have a bummy
When you're happy and you know it, wiggle your bummy
Humpty Dumpty sat on his bummy
All this followed by cackling laughter! God help me!!
Cute, Cute Conversations!
It's been such fun listening to them speak to each other and some of their conversations leave me in stitches! I call this one the "Disney Fan Club Conversation"
B: Hi Daisy
H: I'm not Daisy, I'm Minnie
B: Hi Minnie
H: Hi Mickey
B: I'm not Mickey, I'm Goofy
H: Hi Goofy
Hilarious!! They are so adorable when they're being nice to each other, which is becoming more rare as the days go by.. **sigh**. They argue/fight over almost everything it seems, and I'm so tired of playing referee. I'm hoping it's a phase which passes SOON!!
H had an interesting conversation with me today. While I was cooking lunch she wandered into the kitchen and asked me what I was cooking, so I said "chicken and rice".... then the conversation went:
H: That's nice mommy, did you put peas in it? (Recently they've both refused to eat peas)
Me: No peas hun
H: You should put peas in that mommy
Me: Really? You like peas?
H: No, but grandma says it's good for me....... you should put peas in that. (Nods her head and walks off).
Now if only grandma would tell her that throwing tantrums is NOT good for her LOL.
B: Hi Daisy
H: I'm not Daisy, I'm Minnie
B: Hi Minnie
H: Hi Mickey
B: I'm not Mickey, I'm Goofy
H: Hi Goofy
Hilarious!! They are so adorable when they're being nice to each other, which is becoming more rare as the days go by.. **sigh**. They argue/fight over almost everything it seems, and I'm so tired of playing referee. I'm hoping it's a phase which passes SOON!!
H had an interesting conversation with me today. While I was cooking lunch she wandered into the kitchen and asked me what I was cooking, so I said "chicken and rice".... then the conversation went:
H: That's nice mommy, did you put peas in it? (Recently they've both refused to eat peas)
Me: No peas hun
H: You should put peas in that mommy
Me: Really? You like peas?
H: No, but grandma says it's good for me....... you should put peas in that. (Nods her head and walks off).
Now if only grandma would tell her that throwing tantrums is NOT good for her LOL.
Voicing Our Acomplishments!
So we went out to our favorite pizza place for our bi-monthly weekend dinner. And the kids were not wearing diapers... which is normal for us now, since they only wear diapers at night now.
Anyway... the had to go pee towards the end of the dinner and the three of us went downstairs to the washroom. When we got back.... they RAN first to J and shouted "Hey daddy, we peed in the pizza place potty"... then they RAN to the nearest waiter and while H SHOUTED "we peed, we peed" B shouted LOUDER "Hey man, we peed in your potty.... allllllll by ourselves"
It was SO funny... the whole restaurant went quiet and then almost everyone laughed out loud.
I've never seen J pay the tab and leave faster than he did today.
Anyway... the had to go pee towards the end of the dinner and the three of us went downstairs to the washroom. When we got back.... they RAN first to J and shouted "Hey daddy, we peed in the pizza place potty"... then they RAN to the nearest waiter and while H SHOUTED "we peed, we peed" B shouted LOUDER "Hey man, we peed in your potty.... allllllll by ourselves"
It was SO funny... the whole restaurant went quiet and then almost everyone laughed out loud.
I've never seen J pay the tab and leave faster than he did today.
The Clock!!
B still cannot say "clock" so he says "cock". J's alarm clock had a piece missing, and B just found it. He said..."Look mommy, I found the thing for daddy's cock". "Here you go, you can fix it back on his cock.. and then it'll be ALL better".
Later when I told J about it, he didn't believe me... anyway, I sent B over to tell him about the clock, and he said ""Daddy... look mommy fixed your cock and now it's ALLLL better.. right?"
The look on J's face was priceless!!
Later when I told J about it, he didn't believe me... anyway, I sent B over to tell him about the clock, and he said ""Daddy... look mommy fixed your cock and now it's ALLLL better.. right?"
The look on J's face was priceless!!
Look What I Found!
I was going through some stuff today and came across this little toy which was used in a race game at my twin shower. There's a little string that you can pull which makes them go.
Ugly little cheapo plastic twin babies, but it was so cute. One of my mother's ideas. 
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