Taking Time Out to Tag!

Over the last month I've drafted all of three blog posts, and published none. Well, don't I sound all writerish when I use that word? Published. Perhaps, one day... When I scan through all those old journals, and actually make some sense of all my ramblings, when I was at my rebellious best. 

So, no posts for about a month, because while I'm not lacking in rants topics to post, I just did not have the energy. But, today I see I have no choice but to post something, because I was trapped into it by my good friend Mr. Millions of Atoms, who posted some questions on his blog, and then tagged me. 

If he were standing right in front of me, I'd swat him with a rolled up newspaper.

Entrapment!

If he didn't provide me with those awesome belly laughs, I'd kick his ass. (I mean it, seriously, the guy is hilarious... Check out his blog).

And, on to the questions, I must answer. And, yeah, I'm going to post my own questions and tag five other bloggers too... That's how this works. 

1. How many M&Ms could you eat in one sitting? Round up.

Six hundred, I swear to Zues my demand could go higher than their supply.

2. Do you own an iPhone, and why/why not?

I own a Berry, and no I will not join the war on which one is "the better phone." Although, I really should, because it's fun to rouse the rabbles and watch them get all uppity about their toys.

3. Describe the first time you were aware that you had feelings for me that went beyond the "Criminal suspect" feelings that the Police have for me.

I'm picturing a certain friend of mine right now (your wife), one of my best friends actually, dressed as a female version of Rambo.... Storming over continents, and heading straight to my house. So yeah, I have NO feelings for you, besides that of sisterly love. (Pssst... Let's set up some secret email accounts and discuss this further).

4. Describe the one t-shirt that you should have thrown away five years ago, but you still inexplicably find in your t-shirt drawer.

Remind me to describe in detail the impact OCD has had on my closet. 

5. Why did the new Twilight movie make 30 million dollars in 3 hours?

I personally believe... that the producers of Twilight are able to do so... because... Uh... some people out there in your nation don't have books... And... uh... I believe that your movie industry, like such as in South Africa and... uh... the Iraq, everywhere, like, such as... And I believe that they should... Your Twilight movie over there in the U.S. should help the U.S... uh...Or, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries... So you will be able to build up your movies... for your children.

And my five questions for my blogger friends are.

1. Why do you think homophobic people always feel that gay sex is just a stepping stone away from sex with goats?

2. How many friends do you have on your Facebook friends list?

3. How many of them are your real friends?

4. Your first teacher crush was? Describe him/her in detail.

5. Why in the world would young female teens, and middle aged mothers find a sparkly virgin vampire hot?

Tagging.

Desperately Searching for my Inner Mary Poppins

Lurking in Ambush

Manic Motherhood

Pajamas and Coffee

Deadpan Thoughts

Ex Boyfriends - The Post

Oh my goodness! What a terrific week this has been. NOT!

It all began one scorching hot and humid day in the city of Karachi, when it's residents decided they needed to pray for rain. And pray they did, for months and months, till finally the blessed rains fell from the heavens on Saturday, July 18, 2009. And then the power went out. The end.

So, now we're back to the real world three days later, very disgruntled, exhausted and sick to death of the words "no electricity" "no water" "wasted frozen meat, chicken, fish and everything else in the damn refrigerator" Torturous three days and I don't want to talk about it right now, because if I do, some idiot will probably tell me to thank the gods I'm better off than the people who didn't have power for four or five days. I'm not interested. My problems are my own, which make them bigger and worse than everyone else's thank you very much, and go screw yourself.

Thankfully, I have other things to talk about. It seems my blog is finally kicking off (oh the wonders of social networking sites) mainly because I decided to not be so chicken shit anymore, and actually believe people like my husband and BFF who tell me that I can write, and need not hide my "stuff" in padlocked boxes, password protected word documents and online blogs. Seriously... four year old blog and I only just have the guts to go completely public. For all my bad assness, that's quite sad.

So anyway, back to my blog's baby steps towards (dare I say?) popularity. I received an email requesting a post! How wonderful is that? For a moment I could almost feel how J.K. Rowling must have when all her fans told her to not kill Harry off in the end. It's an honor to have someone ask you to write about something. Never mind if they ask you to write something (anything) relating to ex boyfriends in general, never mind if the topic is not right up there in the same league as say big issues like abortion, or religion, or Sarah Palin's secret plans to take over the world through faith and faith alone gosh darn it! I was asked to write about ex boyfriends, which is a great topic for some good laughs, so write I will. Because I have a few ex-boyfriends. Now, if I were male I would be able to say I was quite the ladies man, but because I'm female I'll just have to go with ummmm slut? Seriously! What's our term? Male magnets? Men's lady? Still sounds slutty to me. This is ridiculous, I feel like burning my bra in protest!

OK so, ex-boyfriends. Sadly, not many left a lasting impression on me, and I swear to all things unholy, I don't even remember what a couple of them looked like. In fact I ran into one a while back and I couldn't for the life of me remember his name. And if that wasn't bad enough, I didn't even remember going out with him, and... AND, I for some reason thought he went out with my best friend many years ago. I mean who in their right mind does not remember an ex? And more importantly, how mediocre a kisser was this guy that I have no memory of it? Seriously.. How many more have I forgotten? What the hell does this Mommy Brain do to us goddammit?

Anyway, I tend to remember my ex's by their nick names. I gave them all nick names after the break ups, which was part of my healing process. Not for me the late night ice-cream binges, or crying myself to sleep. I gave them nick names and imagined them several years down the line, married to horrible, nagging women with recurring acne problems. I can't remember all of the names but Jerkoff, Jerk of the Century, Asshole, and Dickless were definitely on the list. Wonderful therapy... So much better than songs about lost love. All you can do is cry over those when you have a broken heart right? What a waste of good Air Supply music. Singing "All Out of Love" when you're happy is so much better than sobbing the words into your pillow.

Some of the ex brigade were great guys. OK I'm exagerating, maybe one or two of them were great guys, and I remember them fondly from time to time. But the rest... Ickcity pigs! Specially one or two who I fell really hard for... hard, as in flat on my face with the word 'Doormat' stamped on my ass. What can I say? I had my very, very stupid days. Some of my friends while reminiscing with me still ask What the hell were you thinking? I always reply, I wasn't. Who thinks at times like that? Come on! Teenagers don't think.. Their raging hormones just latch on to the nearest target and they're set. At least I didn't marry anyone from my hormone filled, non-thinking days right? Some girls did! And while most of them are very happy I'm sure (if they're not divorced or doing the postman), some of them have to wake up every morning and ask themselves What the hell was I thinking? While a voice inside their head screams You weren't! You're weren't! But hurry! Get off your ass, and stage perfect in-love-with-my-husband picture for your Facebook profile soonest! Never mind if he looks like shit run over, backed up and run over again.

OK that was mean, I'm guessing not all my exes look like crap now, some were so fricking good looking, they could only have aged well. Not that I'm going to ever bother finding out, because I wasn't the Let's be bestest friends forever and ever after our breakup, and you can be Godfather to my first born child kind of gal. I only made the exception with my husband who in case you didn't know went from best friend, to boyfriend, then ex-boyfriend, then boyfriend again, fiance and finally husband, while managing to remain my best friend through it all, and almost definitely ignoring that voice in his head which yelled What the hell are you thinking?

Twitter, Tweet, Tweeters

I have nothing else to do right now, and am suffering from a severe block when wanting to write about normal, everyday stuff. So what’s the best thing to fall back on io write about in the online world if not social networking sites, and the people who favor them?

I like Twitter, I really do… And, I try to keep my statuses updated as much as possible. But, I know I’m nowhere in the category of the hard core, 100% Twitter addicts. I suppose, some of the more addicted never-want-to-even-consider-another-online-application-EVER people must have updates like the ones below. Even if they don’t, it won’t stop me from imagining it, because really… Some come very close to what you’re going to read.

CaringMom The kids are hungry and I really need to get breakfast done.
10 minutes ago from web

CaringMom Have no idea what I should prepare for breakfast
9 minutes ago from web

CaringMom @daisy Didn’t have time for grocery shopping this week, so no fruit in the house
7 minutes ago from web

LovingWife Good morning world! It’s a lovely day today!
6 minutes ago from TweetDeck

CaringMom They’re screaming for food now, what is UP with these kids?
5 minutes ago from web

LovingWife Breakfast is ready for my dear husband!!
4 minutes ago from TweetDeck

CaringMom @daisy @naturemother Yes, I try to only buy organic, I want the best for my kids.
2 minutes ago from web

LovingWife The love of my life is enjoying his toast and eggs :)
1 minute ago from TweetDeck

CaringMom **sigh** I guess I better pour them a bowl of cereal or something
56 seconds ago from web

CaringMom Dammit!! We’re out of milk, heading over the store now.
10 seconds ago from web

LovingWife OMG!! I think my husband is having a heart attack… Should I call 911?????
3 seconds ago from TweetDeck

CaringMom Car won’t start… this day is so full of crap!
2 seconds ago from TwitterFon

RetroChick RT @Bunny @SuperMom @TwitterFreak @SadMan @Jesus_loves_ ME @Loser RT this and get a chance to win one 2oz jar of acne cream FREE!!!
2 seconds ago from web

Disclaimer

This blog post is intended for the un-named reader, and may contain information that is true, false, imagined, private, privileged, or unsuitable for an exceptionally sensitive person or persons with little or no sense of humor and/or low self-esteem. This post may also not be suitable for persons of irrational and/or extreme religious beliefs. If you are or are not any of these readers, then any distribution of this post other than the acceptable "Share" option on social networking sites (listed below) and/or link backs is strictly prohibited. Forget about me wanting copyrights, I will hunt you down and make you eat rotten eggs.

No animals were harmed in the creation of this blog post, although we plan to get a pet whose fate we cannot foresee at the hands of two four year olds, so let's be clear on that. Those of you who indulge in love affairs with conspiracy theories and hold within yourselves irrational fears, will be pleased to know that there are no hidden messages in this post... even if you read it backwards or upside down. However, sitting in a circle of cinnamon and garlic cloves on a red carpet may ensure physical safety for you and your offspring. If you have stumbled across this blog post in error, please add 2 cups of sugar, 1 egg white, 3 shots of tequila and whisk on high for 15 minutes. Serve chilled after sex in a hot tub.

What's in a Name?

Time for a change, and here's my new blog name. I love it and really don't care if no one else does, because if nothing else, it's honest and describes how I feel when I blog. I achieve bliss with lots and lots and lots of coffee. I know my husband will read this and go What? She doesn't achieve bliss with me? Our children? And some of you are also reading this and going Her blog brings her peace? What a loser! Yeah sure it does, even though I adore the lovey dovey crap of marriage and family. Any mother knows (don't lie now) that the real, true, bliss of some quiet time, with no kids, and no husband, even for a few minutes, with your beverage of choice is second to none.

Oh and by the way, I'll be working on my image header next, because I don't live in NYC and feel like a fraud having that image at the top of my page. I would also love it ,if you hooked up with me on Twitter and/or Facebook... You can find the links on the right.

Shameless plug for followers now over, it's time for me to get going, and enjoy the rest of my Sunday where there is more focus on kids than there is on caffeine.

OCD - My Life Partner

My husband takes second place to this one, and I feel he will always have to. I have no idea where I get it, tried to research it, but then my three ring binder (color coded and indexed alphabetically) got too full of "How to Recognize Obsessive Compulsive Disorder" lists and what not, so I had to burn it and resign myself to the truth that there is no hope for me. I can generally manage to contain it, specially after four plus years with twins. Now, I pick up toys and arrange them by type and size on the shelves after the kids are down for the night, I do laundry on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays at 9am exactly (when they're in school). So, it's under control. Ah... control, the story of my life!

Anyway, so my OCD has now apparently decided it hates my blog skin. So, I've been trying to fix it and make it perfect, but it's not perfect yet... at least O doesn't think so. Thankfully, there are some wonderful designers out there who give away their layouts for free, so I'm looking. I even have a system, where I check into their sites and browse through each category for about ten minutes each, and after I've downloaded about five or six layouts, I try them out. It's all planned and perfect, but not perfectly perfect.... Yet!