And, then.. They Were Five!

Dear B&H,

I don't think there is a twin parent alive who could properly describe how they felt, when they heard the words "You're having twins" uttered by their doctor, at that first ultra-sound. Eyes, widen, pupils dilate, heart races, while your brain struggles to process the true meaning of those three little words.

It cannot.

And, it doesn't really "get it" till much later.

But, it's something which cannot be described. I could never tell you both what it truly means to have been pregnant with two at the same time, what it felt like when I first saw your scrunched up little red faces, which seemed to say "Hey, we're here, now what?" How awed I was by the tiny sizes of both of you, who each fit from fingertip to just short of an elbow. So small, but so powerful... And, cute.

That's it. You two were cute and powerful. It's like you had superpowers because you were so cute, or so cute because you had superpowers. I could never tell, because it's difficult to figure it out, when you have two babies just lying in their cribs looking all cute and powerful.

How you completely took over our lives, and brought about a world we never dreamed existed, proved you had power. You controlled us with all that cuteness! It was like you both arrived and said "Right then, let's get to it. We're here, we're cute, now we'll sleep, then we'll scream for sustenance, then we'll sleep again, then we'll poop, and then we'll sleep some more. And, you all just enjoy our cuteness while we're at it."

I honestly had always just imagined, changing a baby's diaper was no big deal, till I was swimming in boxes of new diapers, and pails of dirty ones. Thankfully you both always had your poop timings down pat... Always ten minutes from the other, which gave me plenty of time to change you both without too much fussing. Still, I never thought the endless diaper changing cycle would end.

Funny, how I sort of miss that now.

And, just so you know. Moms of twins never sleep during the first year, and you two!

But, I love you!

Now suddenly, you're all grown up, and on days like today, all I seem to be doing is reminiscing. First smiles, first teeth, first steps, first words, first diaper explosion, first arguments, first pee in the potty, first tantrums. We had a lot of firsts with you two, and never much time between the two. And, no I shall never tell who did what first. Those facts will remain hidden from you both for a long, long time. It's in your best interests, and mine. Because, I LIKE having two children not trying to kill each other!

Anyway, we're headed into a new chapter with you, and I can't wait to see what more power you two can wield over us. I'm excited knowing how wonderful it will be for you to be "grown up" and hope you will always inform me of everything you do, like you do now. I know one day you'll have secrets from me, but remember... What mommy doesn't know, mommy always finds out."

For now, I promise to always cherish your beautiful smiles, your giggles, the breathtaking picture you make, when you hold hands and run towards me with huge cheesy grins when I come pick you both up from school. And, how you don't stop talking a mile a minute after you manage to hug whichever part of my body you can reach. I will always cherish the little scraps of paper with "I 'heart' u momy' one or both of you spend hours coloring in my favorite colors, right along with your twin hugs and kisses, our crazy lunch time tales, and requests to be read 'Gordon Takes a Tumble' every night of the week. Always twice.

I will always cherish you both for what you are individually, and together.

Happy 5th Birthday!



Are You the Perfect Parent?

As we approach the fifth birthday of our twins, a big part of me feels the need to pause, and reflect. I know I've certainly come a long way from that person who gave birth to two babies together, and immediately entered a world of chaos, sleepless nights, insecurity, sleepless nights, second-guessing, more sleepless nights, criticism and fear. Did I mention sleepless nights? Parenthood is never fun at the outset, no matter how cute your babies are. It's no wonder the first year is usually referred to as 'The Blur.' It really and truly is, and OMGs I wanted it to end SO bad.

Then it did.

And, now I wish they would take three hour naps, several times a day, like they used to in infancy.

But, my friends with teenage kids say it won't happen for another decade or so.


So, anyway... this whole parenting thing, has got me wondering about a current trend I've noticed almost everywhere. I don't know if it's some sort of superiority complex, but WTF is up with all this judgment and criticism we throw at other parents? For the most ridiculous things? Believe it or not, chicken nuggets is a hot topic. It's bad for your kids, so don't feed it to them. Try turnips instead! And, if they don't like turnips, mash them down and shape them like chicken nuggets!

Seriously! People say stuff like that.

And, drinking a glass of wine at playdates is also forbidden in their God given Holy Book of Parenting Skills & How to Perfect Them, so You May Achieve Godlike Status. I actually know someone who got slammed for having a drink at her teenage daughter's party, in her bedroom or something. She was called a bad mother and almost everything else by otherwise perfect parents, who own the book.

We've created so many issues, or rather the sanctimonious, holier than thou bullshit crowd has. Cloth diapers/disposable, IVF/Spontaneous, breast/bottle, working mothers/stay at home mothers, public school/homeschool, pacifiers/no pacifiers, hands on daddy/couldn't be bothered asshat... The list is endless. You so much as bring up a topic, and people instantly jump to their chosen sides, dressed in full body armour, ready to fight to the death. And, it's mostly mothers...

Women, seriously need to either get laid more often, or find a hobby besides motherhood.

I mean it. They can turn into a bunch of vicious vipers if someone innocently says My baby is 2 weeks old... Is Similac formula any good?


Mind your own damn business people! It's hard enough being a parent as it is. And, I for one do not like snotty nosed idiots telling me how wrong I am, by talking incessantly about how right they are. I also don't like when they do it to new parents. Give those poor suckers a break ffs... They get NO sleep! And, the husbands have yet to learn, that sex will not be as frequent as it was pre-kids.

You heard me, new daddies!

So, santimonious gits! I don't care if your kids poop gold, because you feed them gold dust (which might be bad for them btw), I don't care if you're the perfect mother with an awesomely clean house, with handstitched curtains at every one of your twenty six windows, I don't care if there are delicious, healthful meals and snacks on your table 24/7, I don't care if you stay home so you can nurture your precious offspring, unlike those horrible working mothers trying to earn a living, and I don't care if your seven children all sucked the life out of your breasts till they were six years old. Just don't tell me how to raise my kids, and we'll be fine.

So much for parents joining together and giving each other support. No, we've decided to turn it into a competition.

Our kids must think we're marvelous examples of human beings.


1, 2, 3... Judge!

During the last month I've been thinking over a ton of topics to write about. Briefly considered the biggies like gay marriage (acceptance), abortion, religious tolerance, and the war in Pakistan. But, I'm prone to violence when talking about these issues, so I've put them on the back burner for now. Not saying this post won't be verbally violent.. Must not disappoint those who claim to love me for speaking my mind, and also those who hate me for it, yet keep coming back for more.

So anyway... Pakistan. Our sovereign state, a misunderstood country, a hated nation, or whatever you may want to call it is fine with me. But, this is for the people who once lived here, and no longer do. The ones who look back fondly at their time spent here, their carefree childhood days, their wonderful school years, their Desi weddings, and the birth of their firstborns. They're also the ones who look at us with some sadness, and pity. And, judgment!

But, when you abandoned the ship...

Can you really afford to judge us?

Or tell us what to do?

I'm not talking about the massive political situation, or the law and order situation we have here. It happens everywhere, and someone has to win at who is best at it. Right now, we win. Tomorrow? Who knows?

No, I'm talking about our day to day living, how we socialize, what we do, how we raise our kids, the kind of education we give them. I'm talking middle class and above, and I don't appreciate former Pakistanis sitting in their "free" countries as minorities, turning up their noses at how we conduct ourselves, or how they think we should be conducting ourselves. We do what we do, and we don't need your advice, or your criticism. We don't care how you "do it" in Australia or New York. We don't need to always adopt bits of the same culture you adopt everyday, just because you say so. We have McDonald's, and we have Facebook... And, our teens are just as out of control as yours are, our kids are just as addicted to junk food and video games as yours are (although maybe not as obese just yet), and our fundementalist religious right is more vocal and annoying than yours could ever be. So, we're just fine, thank you very much.

I'm so tired of constantly being told by former Pakistanis, of how they think people in Pakistan should live. Do this, do that, try this, try that. WTF? Most of them come across as sheltered children, who are seeing things for the first time. You've lived in the west for more than 15 years... And, the novelty still hasn't worn off? How limited an upbringing did you have? How badly did your parents screw you up? FFS... Stop! Live your life, and let us live ours. We're not backward asses who need to change our ways, or be introduced to brilliant concepts which existed decaded before your sorry asses went west.

I could list how full our lives are, and how we manage to rise above the crap which terrifies and disgusts us How we struggle to maintain a sense of normality in our day to day living. I could tell you all about the incredible strength, and courage of the people in this broken nation, or our children who face dangers most of you cannot even begin to imagine. But, my fingers would start to hurt, and I also don't want to sound too much like a Christian apologist.

I love that you love us, love the country of your birth, and wish that things were different. But, haggling people is not the way to go. So back off a little... No need to be pompous asses. It's not becoming.