These days... Will update shortly.
Thanks for stopping by!
Thanks for stopping by!
I'm a Top Momma!!
I just got an email from TopMomma.com letting me know my blog has been listed at the top of their front page! How it works is a popular blog makes it to the top of the page and the least popular one gets a "time out" till they're popular again.
How do I stay at the top?
You make sure I do by visiting this link and clicking on my blog picture. It's the one of my gorgeous twins walking hand in hand on the beach (second top left). Really cool stuff!!!
I hope you help me stay on as a Top Momma!!
Dear Women in Black
I'm trying, I'm really trying to make friends with some of you while we wait for our kids at the school gate. But it's hard. Hard because I wish you wouldn't pointedly stare at my breasts like they have no business being hidden behind only a bra, a tunic top and a stole. Hard because you then stare at my jeans as if blue is an offensive color which raises your temper and/or makes you recoil in horror. Hard because one of you have daily for the last one week asked me if I wear colored contact lenses. I guess saying no in English, then Urdu, then English and Urdu while shaking my head from side to side hasn't convinced you that my eye color is natural like everyone elses. Neither has me sticking my finger in my right eye and rubbing my iris helped, so when I ignored your question today I don't think it was very nice of you to roll your eyes in disgust and whisper something to the other cow standing beside you who looked at me and giggled, which by the way I think she shouldn't do. I mean, some women can giggle and look cute, but some women just sound like hyenas and could keep a dentist busy for a few years. She really needs to do something about those teeth of hers, like have them knocked out by a professional boxer.
I liked standing near quiet and polite Mrs. something or the other. She was very nice and we chatted happily about our kids, the school and how rudely you all were staring at us while clearly ripping us to pieces, all the while thinking we didn't know. How dumb can you be? Five women all weighing close to or over two hundred lbs, covered from head to toe in black, scrambling to get closer to each others bulk and speaking in low fog horn sounding voices in an open area less than five feet from everyone else thinking they can't be heard? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Thankfully I don't carry a grudge, I prefer to ignore. And ignore you I will from now on while I privately thank you for giving me new topics to blog about.
Sincerely,
Alien Mom
I liked standing near quiet and polite Mrs. something or the other. She was very nice and we chatted happily about our kids, the school and how rudely you all were staring at us while clearly ripping us to pieces, all the while thinking we didn't know. How dumb can you be? Five women all weighing close to or over two hundred lbs, covered from head to toe in black, scrambling to get closer to each others bulk and speaking in low fog horn sounding voices in an open area less than five feet from everyone else thinking they can't be heard? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Thankfully I don't carry a grudge, I prefer to ignore. And ignore you I will from now on while I privately thank you for giving me new topics to blog about.
Sincerely,
Alien Mom
Ode to a Dead Pigeon!
H: Look B, a dead pigeon!
B: It's dead
H: It's dead
B: Yeah, it died.... it's dead
H: It died?
B: Yes, it died, dead
H: So it's dead
B: Dead
H: Dead
B: Mommy can we go to the play park?
B: It's dead
H: It's dead
B: Yeah, it died.... it's dead
H: It died?
B: Yes, it died, dead
H: So it's dead
B: Dead
H: Dead
B: Mommy can we go to the play park?
Motherhood = Madness
Lane Olinghouse said "The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable."
I say the quickest way to ensure your kids become a pain in the butt is to 1. Look comfortable or 2. Get engrossed in work of some sort. The more likely that job is to hurt them in some way, the better. Like cooking, but not the preparation part of cooking. No, not while you're assembling the ingredients, or pulling out pots and pans. If you want your kids attention, slap a frying pan on the stove, add oil, heat it up and grab a piece of meat, fish or anything else which will splutter and sizzle when it hits the hot oil, I highly recommend frozen sausages which still have a little frost on them. Those cause a hell of a splash and sizzle if you throw them in the hot oil directly. It's an experiment so don't wait for them to defrost, it will defeat the purpose. Now, stand there and grab a timer, and check how long it takes for them to put in an appearance with some inane question or request. 10 seconds maximum I'd say. It's nearly impossible for them to wait longer, or come in before that. The same story with marinade in case you didn't know. They won't show up till you've gotten your hands nice and coated with marinade, then they'll pop into the kitchen and ask you to help them get the lid off a little box or fix the wheel back on their car.
Kids have made me believe that there HAS to be someone up there who loves to torture me. Which is why he or she programmed kids to be the way they are. No other reason for it, and I can't wait that long for science to figure out why. Scientists I'm told are too busy burying dinosaur bones under layers of the earth so they can prove Intelligent Design is false. That's what some of my more religious friends tell me anyway, I can't say for sure.
But never mind that, back to kids. MY kids, since I can't concern myself with what other people's kids are up to, I just don't have the energy to imagine my friends or family's kids running around doing even a quarter of what my kids do, and to imagine them doing everything like my kids would make me want to run screaming through the streets of Karachi, and we can't have that, oh no, no, NO. There's enough chaos out there these days. What with bombs going off every few days, hospitals declaring emergencies and people rushing home praying they miss the next explosion it just wouldn't be fair for me to add my personal madness to the already extreme mayhem. Besides, people would barely notice so what's the point if I don't get some well deserved attention?
Am I making sense? I don't think I am so why should you? ;) It's not my fault really, the kids have been driving me nuts for a week now. Well, they always drive me nuts but this week they've apparently decided I need more torture. Like right now they think standing near me arguing at the top of their lungs about who's a girl and who's a duck will distract me. They're right! So excuse me while I go play referee and at the same time convince myself that locking them up in the storage room won't solve my problems.
I say the quickest way to ensure your kids become a pain in the butt is to 1. Look comfortable or 2. Get engrossed in work of some sort. The more likely that job is to hurt them in some way, the better. Like cooking, but not the preparation part of cooking. No, not while you're assembling the ingredients, or pulling out pots and pans. If you want your kids attention, slap a frying pan on the stove, add oil, heat it up and grab a piece of meat, fish or anything else which will splutter and sizzle when it hits the hot oil, I highly recommend frozen sausages which still have a little frost on them. Those cause a hell of a splash and sizzle if you throw them in the hot oil directly. It's an experiment so don't wait for them to defrost, it will defeat the purpose. Now, stand there and grab a timer, and check how long it takes for them to put in an appearance with some inane question or request. 10 seconds maximum I'd say. It's nearly impossible for them to wait longer, or come in before that. The same story with marinade in case you didn't know. They won't show up till you've gotten your hands nice and coated with marinade, then they'll pop into the kitchen and ask you to help them get the lid off a little box or fix the wheel back on their car.
Kids have made me believe that there HAS to be someone up there who loves to torture me. Which is why he or she programmed kids to be the way they are. No other reason for it, and I can't wait that long for science to figure out why. Scientists I'm told are too busy burying dinosaur bones under layers of the earth so they can prove Intelligent Design is false. That's what some of my more religious friends tell me anyway, I can't say for sure.
But never mind that, back to kids. MY kids, since I can't concern myself with what other people's kids are up to, I just don't have the energy to imagine my friends or family's kids running around doing even a quarter of what my kids do, and to imagine them doing everything like my kids would make me want to run screaming through the streets of Karachi, and we can't have that, oh no, no, NO. There's enough chaos out there these days. What with bombs going off every few days, hospitals declaring emergencies and people rushing home praying they miss the next explosion it just wouldn't be fair for me to add my personal madness to the already extreme mayhem. Besides, people would barely notice so what's the point if I don't get some well deserved attention?
Am I making sense? I don't think I am so why should you? ;) It's not my fault really, the kids have been driving me nuts for a week now. Well, they always drive me nuts but this week they've apparently decided I need more torture. Like right now they think standing near me arguing at the top of their lungs about who's a girl and who's a duck will distract me. They're right! So excuse me while I go play referee and at the same time convince myself that locking them up in the storage room won't solve my problems.
So Far This Summer
We've only managed to get hit with illness and have spent most of our time indoors. It started with J coming down with a throat infection his first day home (maybe he's allergic to vacation). So he was down for a week or so, and just when he started to get better, Seek and Destroy came down with the same thing. Ugh! Such bad coughs and their fever just wouldn't break. With all my three babies on antibiotics, I was going crazy. Thankfully they started getting better and then it was my turn. Even Fathers Day came and went with barely a celebration. Horrible, Horrible stuff!! We're all better now and the nasty coughs are gone, so we're slowly venturing out a little.
We headed to the beach late Sunday afternoon and spent a good two hours there, then off we went to grandma's to drop off the kids for the night. J and I enjoyed our sleep in Monday.
Today, the kids and I were alone for the most part and had a blast just playing. I ignored all the housework and we had such a blast!!
Well, J is nearly done mixing some margaritas so I'm off to enjoy a relaxing evening with him!!
We have a ton of plans for the remainder of the summer, so more updates as we go along.
We headed to the beach late Sunday afternoon and spent a good two hours there, then off we went to grandma's to drop off the kids for the night. J and I enjoyed our sleep in Monday.
Today, the kids and I were alone for the most part and had a blast just playing. I ignored all the housework and we had such a blast!!
Well, J is nearly done mixing some margaritas so I'm off to enjoy a relaxing evening with him!!
We have a ton of plans for the remainder of the summer, so more updates as we go along.
Perfect Pizza Recipe
Ingredients
Pre-made pizza dough
Tomato sauce
Toppings of their choice
Cheese
Put daddy in-charge
Directions
Pre-heat over and hunt two inquisitive kids out of the way
Let daddy take the lead and allow kids to pile it all on
Watch their creativity flow
Laugh a lot
Bake for 15 minutes or as desired
Serve hot with chilled drink of your choice. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The author of this recipe refuses to take responsibility for the holy mess which may result during and after the preparation of this pizza. Counter tops may never regain their shine, kitchen sink may forever be clogged, oven mitts may retain scorch or burn marks and/or holes. Mommy's blood pressure levels may rise beyond control and tongue may be bitten till you taste blood to prevent "Not like THAT" orders.
Pre-made pizza dough
Tomato sauce
Toppings of their choice
Cheese
Put daddy in-charge
Directions
Pre-heat over and hunt two inquisitive kids out of the way
Let daddy take the lead and allow kids to pile it all on
Watch their creativity flow
Laugh a lot
Bake for 15 minutes or as desired
Serve hot with chilled drink of your choice. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The author of this recipe refuses to take responsibility for the holy mess which may result during and after the preparation of this pizza. Counter tops may never regain their shine, kitchen sink may forever be clogged, oven mitts may retain scorch or burn marks and/or holes. Mommy's blood pressure levels may rise beyond control and tongue may be bitten till you taste blood to prevent "Not like THAT" orders.
Theatrics
After the usual pre bedtime bath, I reminded them to put all their bath toys back in the shelves. They happily did that, and as usual said good night to each toy individually. Which means that each toy got a hug, a kiss, another hug and a whisper or two. Can you picture that? Sweet huh? Now picture two kids taking turns doing that! The last time I timed them, they were much younger, and it took about 15 to 17 minutes, but they're older now, and wiser to mommy's end of the day lack of patience, so it's just takes about 5-10 minutes these days. ;)
H came out of the bathroom and B followed her, then he sighed really loud and announced "It's so hard to say goodbye." To which his sister replied (naturally also with a loud sigh of her own) "Yes, I only like to say hello, goodbye makes me sad." Another sigh.. well, because it's H being H.
Are they watching movies from the 50's that I don't know about?
H came out of the bathroom and B followed her, then he sighed really loud and announced "It's so hard to say goodbye." To which his sister replied (naturally also with a loud sigh of her own) "Yes, I only like to say hello, goodbye makes me sad." Another sigh.. well, because it's H being H.
Are they watching movies from the 50's that I don't know about?
So...
H: Mommy, can we have a new baby?
Me: Um why?
H: Because I want one
Of course, because everything is just that simple
Me: Would you like a new doll?
Notice my feeble attempt to change the course of this discussion
H: No mommy, not a doll (wrinkles her nose in disgust) a REAL baby
Me: Why do you want a baby?
H: Because I like babies
Me: That's nice
H: So can you buy me one?
Me: You can't buy babies sweetie
H: Oh.....
I pause to take a deep breath, because like it or not I know it's coming.......... BHAM
H: Where do babies come from?
Me: From mommies tummies
H: (Puzzled look) How do they get there?
Please, not this from my three year old, not now, not for another decade!
Me: Well.........
B: Hey, watcha guys doing?
Phew
H: We can't buy a new baby, mommy has to put one in her tummy
B: Oh... Can I watch some TV mommy?
Me: Sure son
B: Let's go H
H: Ok... bye Mommy
Me: Bye sweetie
Thank you my son.
Me: Um why?
H: Because I want one
Of course, because everything is just that simple
Me: Would you like a new doll?
Notice my feeble attempt to change the course of this discussion
H: No mommy, not a doll (wrinkles her nose in disgust) a REAL baby
Me: Why do you want a baby?
H: Because I like babies
Me: That's nice
H: So can you buy me one?
Me: You can't buy babies sweetie
H: Oh.....
I pause to take a deep breath, because like it or not I know it's coming.......... BHAM
H: Where do babies come from?
Me: From mommies tummies
H: (Puzzled look) How do they get there?
Please, not this from my three year old, not now, not for another decade!
Me: Well.........
B: Hey, watcha guys doing?
Phew
H: We can't buy a new baby, mommy has to put one in her tummy
B: Oh... Can I watch some TV mommy?
Me: Sure son
B: Let's go H
H: Ok... bye Mommy
Me: Bye sweetie
Thank you my son.
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