I Hate Text Speak - Translation: I H8 Txt Spk

This rant has been a long time coming. Right from about the time thirty something women decided they couldn't live without a cell phone. I completely get why they need one, what with me being thirty something and a woman myself. I use my cell phone for a number of important things like sending text messages to my husband in dire emergencies Where the hell are you? Need bread for sandwiches or Will you be late? Good, I'm not cooking so get some take out or sending a few messages to my mother Kids fine, just ate lunch, off to nap. If I don't send her a message she calls to ask if all is OK because she hasn't ***gasp*** heard from me all day. Then the kids start demanding to talk to her and fight over who talks first. It all gets very loud and unbearable, so sending her a few messages keeps me sane.

Plus, the kids use my cell phone to call her every night before they go to sleep, so there's another use. Other than that, I more or less ignore my cell phone when not updating my Twitter and Facebook. I make an attempt to answer calls, I really do. When my phone rings, I look at it and will myself to answer it. Unfortunately my will to answer it battles with my will to not answer it and the latter wins. Can't be helped, all my wills are very strong and fight to the death.

So, people have begun to text message me instead, in the hopes that I will respond. I don't. Why? Well, because about 99% of those text messages are not in any language I understand. It's not English, that's for sure, not Urdu or even any of the local dialects. So yeah, it's this stupid teeny bopper language called 'Text Speak" which loosely translated means We're the laziest generation ever and can't even be bothered learning English. Which is fine with me, but what's not fine with me is when people well into their 30s and beyond, start using this damn new age language and expect everyone else to just get it and love it like mothers love quiet time.

A friend sent me this the other day der cums a point n yr lyf wen u realiz hu maters, hu nvr did, n hu alw wl. So dnt wori bout ppl frm yr pst, ders a resin y dey didnt mke 8 2 yr fucha.

OK what? I responded with Umm thanks, next time just send me the English translation. LOL (Added the LOL to sound like I had some freakin clue as to what I was talking about, but I soon realized that abbreveation know how is not in the same league as full fledged text fucking speak) She sent me a text back O cum on, mov wid da tymes. Well, fuck you too, you older than I am hag who thinks helping to butcher the English language is "keeping up with the times" T-I-M-E-S not T-Y-M-E-S. Why the hell would you replace the i with a y? Does it save you time? Does it sound easier in your egg head? And what the hell is da? Isn't that German for there? Why are adults behaving like 15 year olds? Why is my otherwise very open minded self not getting this at all?

So, I turn to Facebook for some sanity, which by the way has more or less become a sort of safe heaven for me online. I enjoy spending time networking and ocassionally taking nonsensical quizzes about which perfume best represents my personality. And status updates are fun to respond to as well. But, more and more I see status updates like XYZ s haVn A1 tyMe liStniN 2 sUm kEwl muZc or Whn u ck me, u wl fynd me sez da Lord.

Right, they win, they even translate scripture. And, I am just going to be content sticking a fork in my eye everytime I read their shit. Then rinse my eye out with bleach.



Caba said...

"Does it sound easier in your egg head?"

This had my non-stop laughing the entire time. I love it! I want to go post a facebook status now with some completely non-sensical text speak.

You crack me up.

Sheila said...

Oh, Anne, you kill me with this stuff! You're so right, too! I hate it, if you are going to text me, at least use enough energy to use real words...

I'm guessing this generation that's growing up won't even KNOW that great isn't spelled gr8t. I'm so sorry for their teachers.

Jenny Georgio-who said...

Wow. I think that it would take me more effort to try to think of the abbrevations then just typing out what I feel. There are some things I don't mind being shortened such as LOL and Tks.

If I got a message like you got I'd definately need to find my dumbfuck decorder ring!

April said...

And people wonder why I refuse to even pay for texting. I simply wont play. I'm too old. Too tired and too busy to care.
Excellent post Anne. I couldn't agree more.

Lynette said...

I can't stand this text language either..
Don't even bother trying and I think I keep up with the T Y M E S pretty well..

marymac said...

LOVE IT! have been texting for years (since 15 year old got phone and I figured out she is 'textroverted' ie will tell me more via text than she does via an actual conversation! ha!
Also thanks for reading Pajamas & Coffee! :)

Jude said...

2 Kewl!! U R gr8 2 cum up wid dis stuf. Rck on|! Ceap da spyrt gung. Wl kach up vid u ltr

Mary said...

To be honest, the majority of people who use 'txtspk' as a money-saving technique... Text messages are charged per page, which is measured in characters. Therefore "2dy" uses up a lot less space (and money) than "today." This may seem irrelevant to thirty-somethings with a cushy salary and a certain level of age snobbery, but the youth of today are generally struggling for money. I use text speak and, far from my English skills being underdeveloped, I'm actually applying to Oxford University this year to study English Literature!

Anonymous said...

That article really cracked me up. I hate it when people use "txt spk" on Facebook or when they text me. I usually just put a sarcastic comment about how stupid it makes them look.