Valentine's Day Ideas - Umm Really?

So, I got another email forward today, and no there were no corpses in it. But, what with all the overflowing of love and mush because Valentine's day is tomorrow, this email titled "Valentine's Day Ideas" gave one some insight into how this day should be celebrated with the one you love. Honestly, they were practically insisting everyone do what they suggested.

Heading the list was

1. Think Back

It went on to ask the reader to remember those wonderful days, when they openly demonstrated their love for their spouse, in many small but meaningful ways. I remember writing little notes to my husband (then boyfriend). You know, those cute little bits of paper, with Have a great day hun, I love you... Muuuuah written in purple ink, and decorated with a few hearts? No really, I'm lying, I never did that even though I loved writing in purple ink then. So, I thought, why not write him a little note today, so I could slip it into his shoe tomorrow morning, and won't he be pleasantly surprised to find it. Grabbed my note cards, a black pen (sorry, no purple ink anymore since I'm all grown up now) and chewed the end trying to think of something romantic to write, without sounding 18.

I ended up writing out our grocery list for the week.

2. Create a Top 10 List of What You Like About Your Partner

Again, I tried...

Top 10 Things I Like About You

10. I like that you're a great father and husband, no wait.. I love that.
9. I like how you love me. Umm nope, I love that too.
8. I don't like how that sounded as if I were 15 years old
7. Oh, I like your taste in movies!
6. I like that you'll forget I said such a lame thing.
5. I can't do this.
4. Wait, let me try again.
3. I like how laid back you are.
2. This is the most asinine thing I've ever done.
1. I'd rather buy you boxers.

Moving on...

3. Jolt up happy memories with a blow-up print out of a picture of those "carefree days" and put it in a conspicuous place.

Clearly the author of that has NO idea how depressing it is to see "carefree" pictures of oneself from over a decade ago. Old pictures belong in albums for our children, and their children to laugh over. Please!

4. Instead of sitting in separate chairs while you watch your next movie on television, sit together on the couch, so that you can cuddle, and perhaps even steal a little kiss every now and then. For the Valentine weekend, you could rent a romantic movie.

What? And, not watch some thriller, while we munch take-out pizza, and maybe drink some beer while the kids sleep?

5. Give your partner a nice shoulder rub, a back or foot massage and/or a back scratching session.

Sometimes sex is the answer, believe me.

6. Make a fun desert for after dinner

Fun! After cooking all day, feeding the kids, making menu plans for the week, all I want to really do is cook some more stuff for after dinner. I'll send the kids to the neighbor's house, ignore that they have school the next day, and make dessert with the huz, so we can refuckingconnect! Lovely!

7. Heart Shaped Burgers

You are not.fucking.serious!

I don't get this.. All this "Be romantic" crap for Valentine's Day. I get that it's one of those overly commercial holidays, but can they please leave (some of) us very married people out of it? I love the odd card, and bunch of roses as much as the next wife, but my husband and I don't need to "re-connect" thank you very much. We're connected in ways most 20 somethings won't have a clue about, till they've birthed and lost sleep over a few babies of their own.

Our mundane day to day crap is what re-connects us. Those calls to say "I'll be home late," laughing together about something the kids did, talking about our tiring day every night, or even twice a week, brief "Hey, how are you doing honey?" moments all keep the love steady and strong. I no longer need to give my husband a foot massage to "bond" with him, because the looks we share over our helplessly laughing children's heads, bonds us for life. Completing years of marriage, knowing how much we've overcome, and how far we still have to go, holds us together better than concrete would. I don't have a list of 10 things I like about my husband, because I have a mental list of a billion things I love about him. He lives in our home, he earns a living which feeds my kids, he sleeps in my bed every night, he drops our kids to school each morning, he cleans up puke off the carpet ffs.

That's better than any store bought Hallmark card, my friends. And, if I want to just kick back, and relax in my PJs, while watching a movie with my husband this Valentine's Day, I will. Our sex life will not suffer for it, so screw you.

Happy Valentine's Day honey, I love you! Don't forget I still love purple roses! :D



Karen said...

Now THAT is a Valentine! ;-)

Renée Neary said...

Anne, this should be posted on some blog-equivalent of You-tube. It's not just really funny, it goes to the heart (ha! pun intended) of the matter of love.

Sianna said...

LOVED it! xoxo

Charlotte said...

WOW, am I glad I stumbled in. I just laughed so hard I spit coffee on the couch. Please tell me the heart-shaped burgers was a joke. I can't imagine anyone being serious about that.

As my first V-day without a boyfriend in 6 years, I gotta say... It ain't so bad. Then again, the day has just started and I'm sure there will be some vomit-in-my-mouth stories before it's ended. But always important to keep a sense of humor, right? :)

CaffeinatedBliss said...

Charlotte, the heart shaped burgers is true. I just about choked when I read the title in the email. Glad you had a nice V-day sans a man. ;)

marymac said...

Here I am! Here I am! Lol sorry if have been awol still LOVE your blog and that list is a riot! boxers LOL!!! Hubby got me both perfume AND heart-shaped Godiva, therefore he is obviously having an affair. HA!
Love you thanks for stoppin by today! ;)

Renée Neary said...

tap tap tap tap tappity tap
(awaiting new post! :D)