Ben 10 Alien Swarm - Coming Soon

He didn't win a battle, when it came to getting my permission to watch Ben10 on Cartoon Network (aka Crap Network). He's lucky, because Mama must admit she quite likes little Ben10 herself, and teenage Ben10, and Ben10 Alien Force, just as much as he does. Yes, Mama is a fan of a kids' cartoon show, and may or may not watch it even if the kids aren't home. Admit it, you all watch the Backyardigans, or The Wiggles, and even Dora the Explorer... And, you all find yourself humming their songs while you shower.... Ha!! So, don't judge me!

So, you want to really bond with your almost five year old son? Ben10 will do it for you.

Ben is not as big an obsession as Lightning McQueen. Oh no, no NO... NEVER! Because, Lightning is the coolest, most bestest sports car in the whole universe, and when all little boys grow up, they want to be red racing cars with cocky grins, and '95' tattooed on their abs.

Ka-Chow!

But, back to Ben, the average kid with a powerful watch type device, which turns him into an alien fighting... alien. Ben, also has a cousin Gwen, who has "pink" super powers, so at our house the show is loved by both male and female child alike. And, of course Mommy. So, when that damn Cartoon Network begins advertising the November release of Ben10 Alien SWARM, it's almost as bad as all those suburban moms anxiously awaiting the release of New Moon.... At our house at least.

All, I've been hearing for the last few weeks out of B is "Is it November yet?"

At first I thought the kid was just excited because their birthday is in November, but later I realized Cartoon Network is advertising Ben10 Alien SWARM (not yelling, that's how it's titled on CN) like crazy. And today, they decided to take it one step further, by announcing a contest! How fun is that?

Not fun at ALL! (Now, I'm yelling).

The upcoming contest, requires kids to watch Cartoon Network, from Mon-Fri all through November. If they do, they get details of the contest, and a chance to win fabulous action figures and a Ben10 wrist device. All through November... Every single weekday evening. Schools are being left in the dust, let me tell you. Parents don't stand a chance either. We need to get off our collective "Here's your appreciation certificate" or "Here's a sticker for being good" asses, and stock up on action figures!

Or, we're going to lose.

But, right now, I really don't care. There's less than a week left for October to end, and those action figures look really cool.. So, off my high horse I get, because...

Well, I like action figures too.

***snerk***

Hostile to Halloween? Um.. What?

"Halloween has strong roots in paganism and is closely connected with worship of the Enemy of this world, Satan. It is a holiday that generally glorifies the dark things of this world, rather than the light of Jesus Christ, The Truth."

Well then, how can I read something like that and not respond to it, right?

So, this eeeeevil festival of... Candy? Costumes? Jack-o-Lanterns and fun? Satan worshiping? Really?

Shut up!

Seriously, you nutty, over the top, crazy, religious (Christian) people. Just.shut.up.

I'm not going to get into the history of this festival, and how it originated in pagan times blah blah blah. It's all commercial fun now (at least in America it is), and I don't see why it should be such a big deal to Christians. Oh wait, some of them don't approve of the "pagan traditions" and all that. But, they won't stop participating in all those traditions, and rituals the church adopted from the pagans themselves generations ago, then twisted around and merged into Christianity. Christmas and Easter anyone?

Why do some of these religious types insist on keeping worms up their butts? They really shouldn't. It makes them irritable and mean. And, when that happens, they start attacking all the fun stuff this world has to offer us. They want people to stop dressing their kids up in cute costumes, and going out to get free candy from neighbors, they want to burn Harry Potter books, and put condom manufacturers out of business. It's all very sad. And to think, all they would have to do to stop behaving like freakazoids, is take a dose or two of some deworming med. That's not asking too much of them right?

So, anyway... Halloween. We celebrate it every year! We also celebrate Eid and Diwali and Christmas with Santa Claus. You know that big old imaginary guy in a red suit? And, we all know how red is the devil's color, and that Satan really just stuffs himself with food for months before December, gets really fat, adds some white trim to his clothes, and gives kids tons of toys, which brainwash them and make them hate God.

That's what we do. So, when my son decided he wanted to dress up as Jesus this Halloween, I had to say no. "Can't combine religion with heathen practices", I told him. "What's religion?" he asked. "That's a question only grandma can answer" I replied. "Do you know anything?" he muttered. "Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog..." I chanted on my way out of them room, and followed that with an evil cackle, while he cowered in fear, of the whipping he knew was coming.

Later they both told me they wanted to dress up as Ben 10, and one of the Power Puff girls. B was Ben 10 last year, so when he saw his pictures from 08, he promptly decided he wanted to be Ben 10 Alien SWARM instead of regular old, boring Ben 10. Five minutes later, he wanted to be Lightning McQueen... Um That is SO not happening dude! Try again. H of course kept changing her mind too. But, that's only because they're designed to combine their indecision, and make life even more interesting for me than it usually is.

We have less than a week left... Their costumes, after many, MANY suggestions, arguments, tears, laughter and yelling, are nearly ready. There will be no more better ideas, no more planning. Just lots of scary cookie baking, and decorating.

And... All's quiet on the Christian front too.

They must be busy bottling the Holy Water, to douse us with on the 31st.

She's a Child, NOT a Maid!

Last Saturday, while out on our weekly "family evening" my husband and I took the kids first to the park, and then out to dinner. An hour at the park, and we were exhausted, which is not surprising if you have two four year olds, each insisting on a different activity "Ohhh I want to SWING" or "No, let's go down the giant slide." You're probably wondering how that could cause exhaustion in two adults with two kids? We could easily split up with one kid each and let them do their thing right? Wrong! Our twins may always want to do different stuff, but they also simultaneously want to do what the other is doing. If you split them up, you're going to spend a LOT of time scuttling back and forth, while they yell out to each other in glee. After years of trying to achieve some sort of balance in these situations, we have no choice but to suck it up, and tolerate the arguments of which area of the playground is more fun. It's easier, because your feet get a bit of a rest, and ear plugs are cheap.

So, anyway... At the playground watching my daughter tackling the rope climbing thing, I noticed this cute baby who couldn't have been more than a couple of years old. Clad in a frilly pink dress, socks and shoes, she toddled towards the slide while her mother stood by and watched proudly. Then, she fell... The baby, not the mother. What issued after that sent my blood pressure sky rocketing, and my temper if released would have reached epic proportions.

The "mother" began yelling at a little waif of a girl, no more than seven or eight years old who was about three feet behind the baby. "Pick her up!! Why did you let her fall?" WHACK!! She hit the little girl... Her baby's nanny! Yes, I said nanny... And, I said hit. Welcome to Karachi, where some of the upper class consider it charity, to employ poor little girls (and boys) as full time (see: live in) nannies and maids, for their infants and children. Minimum age requirement for this position? Six, maybe seven.

Now, before you get all upset, and start throwing around words like "child labor" or ***gasp*** "abuse," there's a perfectly good explanation for why some rich people employ these starveling little creatures as "help." They're doing them a favor! Or so they believe. According to them, if they don't employ them, they're practically damning them to a life of severe poverty, and a gloomy future. This way, these poor kids get a roof over their heads, have food and clothing. What more do kids need right?

So what if they have to change a baby's diaper a few years after they've been out of diapers themselves? So, what if they have to feed, bathe, dress kids a year or so younger than they are, every single day? So what if they have to wake up at 5am daily, and get breakfast ready for the family? So what if they have to carry heavy diaper bags, and shopping bags through malls and bazaars while their "Madams" shop till they drop? So what if they get one nugget from the leftover McDonald's Happy Meal, the Madam's kid did not want to finish? So what? At least they're getting something right? They're lucky! Other poor kids don't even know what McDonald's is, leave alone getting the chance to eat one whole (well, partially gnawed at) delicious chicken nugget and a few sips of Coke every week. These poor kids should be grateful!! They're getting to earn their keep in the lap of luxury, and a few slaps across their faces a day for failing to care for an infant properly, is not a big price to pay. When someone gives your family charity, you belong to them, you owe them. With the blood and sweat of your six year old malnourished body... You owe them!

Pathetic? Sad? Twisted?

How about wrong? Can we say how wrong this is? Do we dare?

Well, I dare. It's wrong, it's sick and it's a disgusting display of child abuse, right out in the open, happening right under our noses, while we turn a blind eye to it. Why? Because these women are our friends? Because they belong to an elite, untouchable social circle? So, we pretend we don't see the exploitation of children? Surely, we as a society do not condone this? Shame on us if we do. How many times have we walked by one or more of these "maids" and not really seen them?

Charity, my dear designer bag carrying fellow females, has no strings attached to it. It's something we're supposed to do, out of the goodness of our hearts. Asking for nothing in return. It does not need to be twisted into a convenience because we're too lazy to parent.

I suggest you women keep these little children in your care, educate them, encourage them to lead productive lives, and make sure they do. You can certainly afford it. And, you can certainly afford to hire professional help for your children. And, an adult to do your dishes. You do not need to exploit poor, weak and innocent children. It does not make you a better person, it does not give you a higher standing in society. What it does do, is make you a child abuser.

You're a parent. Go ahead and imagine your child doing what your six year old "maid" does. How does it make you feel? How would you like it if someone exploited your child that way?

How pretty is that picture?

Facebook Friday!

So, what did you all do while Facebook was down most of this week? And, why do I almost always begin my blog posts with "So...?" Have you noticed? It's really annoying isn't it? I have no idea why I do it.. But, I speak like that a lot of the time, and I guess it's a habit now.

So... How annoying is this, now that I pointed it out to those of you who never noticed?

Back to Facebook, and how it remained inaccessible most of the week. For Facebook fanatics who couldn't log in, the world literally stopped! It was like the End of Days had finally arrived, and many were spotted looking up to the heavens, arms open wide, shouting "We are worthy!." For those who managed to log in, but were unable to access any applications, or update their statuses, it was pure hell on earth. In all seriousness, if the gods had decided to rain tongues of fire down on us, these people would barely have noticed. So deep was their anguish over not being able to play Mafia Wars, or whatever it is they like to do on Facebook.

I had some problems logging in two days ago, and went over to Facebook's main page to see what was up. They had a nice little message posted there which said We are experiencing a technical issue with one of our databases that is resulting in an extended period of maintenance for some of you. We are working on a fix and hope to have this resolved in the next 24 hours. Below that were a number of comments, some of which were hilarious. So, I did a bad thing and copied a few to post here. Also, couldn't resist adding my own little comebacks to them, because I'm mean and like to poke fun at people.

Ready?

wich is why i CARNT AXCESS PROFILES!!!!!!!!!
So typing in CAPS will make them work faster to solve your problem? And, dude! You need to re-learn grammar and spelling.

I keep getting this message askin for my email addy before i can have any gifts i sent it the first time but im gettin a headache seein it again an again when all i want is another pair of jelly shoes
Um.. What?

all americans are dicks
Because your Facebook is not working? How much do you pay your therapist?

wanna knw who view my profile more!
They can't get the site working, dumb ass! I'm guessing your stupid request was ignored.

I hate fucking facebook
Try a human being!

My farmville won't work!! Help me please
Oh no! Did all your crops die? Did they? How badly has this dented your coin bank? Are your cows OK?

it's okay guys
every site had problems
and facebook team are humans
and not gods to not make mistakes
facebook team : i respect you guys and i respect everything you did and you are doing to keep us connected ... Take your time fixing this and don't give a shit about the that impolite comments
Thanks again
When I rule the world, you shall be my Ass Kisser in Chief!

Check out my website while facebook is down http://www.moo-farm.co.uk for fantastic bath products at low prices! Bath bombs, shower gels and much much more! Buy today delivered tomorrow!
OK, I can't say anything bad about a shameless plugger!

I can't go to chat and my cousin just married. FUCK
Were you planning on typing him/her through the ceremony?

Hey my fb's finee. Never broke and im on everyday. Suppose im just lucky ;) ?
People loathe people like you. Always have, always will.

fix it as soon as possible im struggling now
It usually takes about three days to detox, YOU CAN DO THIS!

I didn't miss Facebook much... I've barely been reading status updates lately, or even looking at the zillion and one photographs my friends keep uploading. But, I'm insanely addicted to Bejeweled Blitz and when I couldn't log into the application............. I was fine. No really, it wasn't like I broke out into a cold sweat or anything. My hands didn't tremble, I didn't feel lightheaded and irritable... Nothing like that....

Don't Eff With Me!

So, I was standing out in my balcony this morning, enjoying the first crisp air this city is experiencing after a crap ass summer, and I noticed this guy staring at me. No big deal, guys stare at me a lot, and I'm not saying that because I'm vain or anything. Men look at women! They have to, can't be helped. They can be walking down the street, minding their own business, and suddenly they get a twitch in their pants, and their eyes automatically zero in on the nearest female. The bigger her breasts, the bigger the itch. It's their own personal, built in radar, and we should be accepting of it. And, not jealous, because we have our own radars. But, I won't get into that right now, because writing about female radars could fill several books.

Anyway, so I tried to ignore the idiot, but, I really, really hate it when people stare at me.. It's just annoying. Like dude, look at the beautiful blue sky, appreciate the lovely weather, examine your testicles, maybe your itch is really a rash... Anything! Just don't keep gazing at my breasts ffs!

Finally, I decided to give him my "Don't eff with me look" which is pretty scary if I do say so myself. I've had it for ages, and it just gets scarier with time. It'll probably be horrific when the wrinkles come around, but I don't want to think about that just yet. In the last five years though, I've managed to perfect my "Don't eff with me" look, thanks to the OMG I think I would DIE if I had twins comments hurled at me by numerous asshats. So, unless I birth triplets next time around, which I'm pretty sure is not going to happen, I don't see my 'Don't eff with me' look improving.

But, I'm happy with it.

Not that it holds a candle to the God of "Don't eff with me" looks.


I wish he were my (sugar) daddy! Even now, that he's old and whatever.

Seriously, I have never seen a better "Don't eff with me" look than that. How Ashton ever managed to not crap his pants in the presence of this guy is mind boggling. Ashton must be blind! Because, if I were a 20 something guy, who had the hots for Bruce Willis' ex-wife, and I was not BLIND!! I would never go within fifty feet of her. Never! I mean, has Ashton even watched Die Hard 1?

I think I'll go blow up this picture now, print it out and hang it in the balcony. Not saying the huz doesn't have a great "Don't eff with me" look. He does! And, and even better "Don't effin eff with my effin wife, you mother effin eff" look, but he's not around right now.

So, Bruce it is!

New Moon - Wolf vs Vampire

Right, so, here I am, coffee cup steaming, laptop switched on (It's almost never switched off, but who cares?) and fingers-a-tingling as I get ready to piss off part of the female population around the world. Because.... I'm going to talk about New Moon - The Twilight Saga. I ranted about the books once, and forgot to put a disclaimer at the top of my post, which pissed someone off a little. But, that's all water under the bridge now, and I have to rant a little about the whole OMG-New Moon-the-movie-is-almost-out gagfest taking the world by storm.

I will be killed. There is no doubt in my mind, that a bunch of women will descend on me and rip the limbs off my body, and then use them as burnt offerings for the god of all gods... EdwardfrickinCullen! And, I doubt Cullen would call down from the heavens and ask them to sacrifice a lamb instead. The darling boy would probably yell "Don't BURN her you idiots! Bring me her blood!! Edward would want my blood, trust me. It's good blood.

Anyway, so New Moon, where Edward is not around and attempts suicide in Italy by public sparking, before Bella saves his ass. Of course, before all that, Bella attempts suicide herself, clearly because what'shiswolf is not a good enough kisser. I mean a wolf's breath cannot compare to the breath of a vampire people! If you had a choice, would you kiss an animal who ate meat, or a corpse who drank blood?

No contest!

Do I come across as a mocking bitch? (Isn't that some kind of bird?). Well, I'm not. If you read between the lines, you'll see (look really hard... it's there I promise) just how this is all my jealousy talking. I'm envious of Bella Swan. First of all, her name is so pretty... Isabella Swan. Anyone with a one syllable name would envy that. Secondly, she has the most fascinating love life (lives?). A vampire and a werewolf are both in love with her. What are the chances of that ever happening to me? I've never had such exotic type men love me in my whole life. Plenty of dogs yes, but dogs are not wolves... not since they evolved and shit.

So, I'm jealous of Bella Swan and I want to be mean about it. I want to say it's a crappy, god awfully long story which nearly cured my insomnia, and the first movie was blah. It makes me feel less jealous. Venting is so therapeutic don't you think?

Oh and, I'll watch New Moon, please don't doubt that. I'll do it in much the same way I stop to stare at bad road accidents.

Throw your tomatoes if you must... and bring your hatchets... My limbs await you.

My Tree Hugging, Dirt Worshippers!

So, hello again and please don't ask where I've been, or why I haven't been feeling creative enough to blog the last few (really? few?) weeks. Let's talk about this week instead, and how my kids spent the better part of it chanting out their "lines" in preparation for Environment Month at school.

Kindergartners obsessed with the environment! What the hell is this world coming to? Honestly, I'm very annoyed at how seriously they seem to be taking this whole "Save the Earth" stuff. You're probably thinking "Oh they're four. How concerned can they be?" Well, when H goes around the house, switching off lights, regardless of whether there are people in the room or not, and announces "We should not use so much electric city" and when B randomly asks "WHY do people kill the Blind Dolphin? How can they EAT DOLPHINS?" you know they're headed towards obsession, and possibly going to become tree hugging environmentalists, who will insist we live in thatched roof huts, and eat organic vegetables forever.

Apparently, I never told them beef comes from cows. Well, I told them it comes from cows, I just didn't say how, and being three at the time, they were too naive to ask those deep and meaningful questions like "Do cows have to die so we can eat their meat?" But now with all this "Save the Earth" stuff, they're asking the questions people! So, in the usual direct way I respond to my kids, I told them yes, cows have to die so we can eat their meat. "Ohhhhh people are HORRIBLE" announced H. "Oh that's just GUSTING" announced B. "I'm never eating meat AGAIN" declared H. "Me either" said her adoring twin.

I guess we're not having steaks for dinner tonight.

They've also decided to recycle everything. And, I mean everything! I found them shoving empty biscuit packets into the family room couch, and I was like what in the world are you guys doing that for? And they were like "We're saving the packets for our next biscuits." "Those biscuits will already have their own packets" I told them. "But that's not RE-CYCLING Mama" So I was all like "Yeah, but neither is shoving it into the couch, it's better to find a way to RE-USE it for something else don't you think?" And they looked at me like Dude, we already have a plan. Go away!"

Do boarding schools still just concentrate on lessons and discipline?

Still, I happily dismissed their psycho babble about old newspapers, and that God awful song they kept singing all week Save the Eaarrrrrrthhh, Save the Eaarrrrrttthhhhh, and attended their class presentation this morning. Watched their class jump on stage and do their thing. It was pretty cool to be honest. All of them dressed in green, with different 'Green' messages pasted on their shirts, yelling out the lyrics of Save the Eaaarrrrrttthhhh completely off key, and grinning ear to ear. B&H both delivered their lines on recycling and saving the dolphins pretty well, and well dammit, they make their Mama proud.

I suppose old biscuit packets can be used as couch stuffing at some point.

Save the Earrrrrrtthhh!!!