Don't Eff With Me!

So, I was standing out in my balcony this morning, enjoying the first crisp air this city is experiencing after a crap ass summer, and I noticed this guy staring at me. No big deal, guys stare at me a lot, and I'm not saying that because I'm vain or anything. Men look at women! They have to, can't be helped. They can be walking down the street, minding their own business, and suddenly they get a twitch in their pants, and their eyes automatically zero in on the nearest female. The bigger her breasts, the bigger the itch. It's their own personal, built in radar, and we should be accepting of it. And, not jealous, because we have our own radars. But, I won't get into that right now, because writing about female radars could fill several books.

Anyway, so I tried to ignore the idiot, but, I really, really hate it when people stare at me.. It's just annoying. Like dude, look at the beautiful blue sky, appreciate the lovely weather, examine your testicles, maybe your itch is really a rash... Anything! Just don't keep gazing at my breasts ffs!

Finally, I decided to give him my "Don't eff with me look" which is pretty scary if I do say so myself. I've had it for ages, and it just gets scarier with time. It'll probably be horrific when the wrinkles come around, but I don't want to think about that just yet. In the last five years though, I've managed to perfect my "Don't eff with me" look, thanks to the OMG I think I would DIE if I had twins comments hurled at me by numerous asshats. So, unless I birth triplets next time around, which I'm pretty sure is not going to happen, I don't see my 'Don't eff with me' look improving.

But, I'm happy with it.

Not that it holds a candle to the God of "Don't eff with me" looks.


I wish he were my (sugar) daddy! Even now, that he's old and whatever.

Seriously, I have never seen a better "Don't eff with me" look than that. How Ashton ever managed to not crap his pants in the presence of this guy is mind boggling. Ashton must be blind! Because, if I were a 20 something guy, who had the hots for Bruce Willis' ex-wife, and I was not BLIND!! I would never go within fifty feet of her. Never! I mean, has Ashton even watched Die Hard 1?

I think I'll go blow up this picture now, print it out and hang it in the balcony. Not saying the huz doesn't have a great "Don't eff with me" look. He does! And, and even better "Don't effin eff with my effin wife, you mother effin eff" look, but he's not around right now.

So, Bruce it is!