Top Ten Most Annoying Facebook Friends

Ah yes, my special, special post for the Top Ten most Annoying Facebook "Friends" a person could have. This particular brand of annoying types who utilize the social network to spread their crapability, amongst their fellow users. Bottom line, they're laughed at, and not just in those "OMG she is SO friggin annoying" private messages being exchanged between close friends. When friends get together for a few drinks, or chat on the phone, they laugh at them. It's a fact. I know I laugh at them because they're funny as hell, and cannot control how glaringly their personalities (or lack of) shine through online.

Not that I have anything against Facebook, I sort of love it, and how it keeps me connected to my friends, non-friends, family, blah blah blah. It's a great time killer too, and more and more I'm putting it to better use than the usual
You're looking great picture comments or finding that I truly "Like" people's xyz bought new shoes today status updates, or that the bird they most identify with is the American Bald Eagle, or better yet, will most likely have six hundred sex partners in their lifetime, even though they're 50 years old and have been in a monogamous marriage for 25 plus years. Incredibly mind numbing this book of faces can be.

So, on to my Top Ten Most Annoying Facebook Friends. Some of these types were generously suggested by a number of my good friends on Facebook, and other networks. I'm very grateful for their contributions, and promise that none of them fit into any of the categories mentioned... Ahem, and I hope it stays that way.

10. The Old Friend You Don't (Want to) Remember

Sends you a friend request, with a message attached which attempts to jog your memory of how close you two were at age 14. Mostly references some embarrassing situation you desperately choose not to remember, ever. But you're a nice person, so you grudgingly add her on, after which your life becomes a living hell, because she apparently remembers every pathetic thing you did in your teens, every guy you had a crush on, every hideous outfit you ever wore, and proceeds to post about it on your wall, along with pictures.

9. The Super Hyper Facebooker
These types leave me breathless! If Facebook has an application, group, quiz or fan page which will clog your newsfeed with updates, this friend will have added it to his profile. You log on to Facebook and all you see is
Hyperoo is a fan of socks, Hyperoo joined the group Revenge of the Nerds, Hyperoo scored 75,000 points donating trees to friends, Hyperoo's secret aimbition is to be Snow White, Hyperoo joined the group "I Hate Gays" Hyperoo is a fan of "Gays Have a Right to Marry"... And on and on and frickin on. You spend most of your Facebook time clicking the "hide" button above all his updates, but it never ends.

8. The Weird Ass Song Status Friend
This one is a classic! She only posts random song titles or crap ass lyrics as her status updates, leaving most of her friends bewildered or rolling their eyes. These people usually have crappy taste in music, and no life.

7. The Everyone's Friend, Friend

It's a popularity contest and it must be won. This oddity spends several hours a day browsing through his friends' friend lists, and sends out as many requests as he can. He doesn't know you and he doesn't care.. He just needs to win the imaginary "Person With the Most Friends on Facebook" award.

6. The Stalker

This one is most likely your ex-sister-in-law, or an ex boyfriend/girlfriend, who adds you to their friend list and never keeps in touch. But they drop by your profile to browse through your photo albums (and probably save your pictures to their hard drive), keep themselves updated on who you add to your list, and keep refreshing your profile page every half hour to check for status updates. You of course can't prove they do any of this, but you know it's true.

5. The Poker/Hugger/Lover

I feel sorry for this one, and for those who have this one on their lists. If you click your 'Other Requests' button, you're screwed. Several hundred virtual hugs, virtual cocktails, virtual kisses, virtual sunflowers, virtual Happy Monday greetings, and bumper stickers await you... every-single-day. Annoying as hell, specially when you get cross eyed with boredom clicking the 'Ignore Request' button repeatedly.

4. The What is Facebook? User

If they can't tell you four functions of a cell phone, they should not be allowed to use the internet. The end.

3. The Under 18s

Someone show these kids something beyond the digital world. Please! No, I do not want to be their friend and babysit them online, no, I do not want to look at their endless gang 'V" sign pose mobile uploads, and no I do not want to read
schweet-songbird is I hate boys updates every few minutes. And for the idiots over 18 who do this... Grow the hell up!

2. The Daily Profile Picture Changer
Need I say more?

And the winner is....

1. The I Party for Facebook User

My absolute favorite annoying type. It's all about status updates... and they're your typical Look-at-me-and-what-a-fabulous-life-I-have kind. Every day it's Party-animal is going to party tonight woohoo, Party-animal has TWO dinner parties to attend tonight.. AND an after dinner thing TOO, Party-animal is partying it up wid sum cool people she doesn't know from Adam YeeeHaww! Party-animal is having breakfast and planning her I-just-finished-my-period-party, Party-animal is exhausted from the fifty six parties she attended this month. And if that's not enough to burn your brain cells, you get to see pictures of Party-animal in drunk poses, with other fugly party animals, all dressed in 'fuck me' sandals, and midriff rolls of flab revealing tank tops, mascara streaked across sweat covered cheeks and wide, lipstick stained toothy grins galore. One sentence describes this kind best... No social life in high school and college.

If you have an annoying Facebook friend type I haven't mentioned, leave me a comment and tell me about them.

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Eric said...

You completely nailed this list. Disheartening to realize that all of human existence can be narrowed to 10 groups, but there it is. Although let me offer a potential number 11: The 'My Awful Band' user. This user promotes their awful band every other day guilting users to attend a show in East Bumble at 1:00 AM on a Tuesday. Followed by the inevitable 'Cool man! Can't make it though. Kick Ass! I'll catch you next time!' replies.

marymac said...

You called them! I've unfortunately got all ten types- ha! Your blog is hilarious- and I love your design :)

Caba said...

I thought for sure one of them was going to be me. haha ... Just my name, with no explanation at all. Kind of like the "What crazy bitch am I?" quiz ... with my name as a suggested answer. Love you!

Melissa Sue said...

Great job on the list.
Makes me realize how lucky I've been!

Marybeth Poppins said...

Nice....sadly I think I may have fallen into a couple of those categories...LOL

Kelly said...

Oops! I'm the stalker. I friended my ex-SIL in part to see what my XH is doing. [crawls back under a rock shamefully]

Got another one, the friend who can't let anything go un-commented. Comments on everyone's status, picture, quiz, etc, whether it merits a comment or not.

InALittleMinute said...

Love the list! I agree with it heaps! In fact, thats why I dont list my blog on my facebook page (I dont really REALLY want all those people knowing whats going on in my life- strangers yeah, but some of my facebook "friends".. as if they care!)

Great blog!

Jenny Georgio-who said...

Wow. I can't believe I missed this post! I stopped reading NB from FB and just use my blogger now!

This is soooooo spot on.

You forgot to mention the type of person who updates their status every single minute to let us know what they are doing now.

Updater just finished breakfast and thought it was gross. Updater just vomited from gross breakfast. Updater had to brush her teeth because of vomit. Updater in the car going to work. Updater at work and dreading the long day. Updater sneaking on during lunch break. Updater has to pee....Updater just peed. Updater is having dinner with PartyAnimal....

mizzeboni said...

that was AMAZING!! lol.. i could relate to every single one! loved it. I had that same problem for myspace. I am followin you on facebook. Lookin forward to more posts from you!

check me out @

Janeb said...

You are a wicked woman and will burn somewhere, but it's all true!! Thanks.

Angel said...

I love this list! I have everyone of these people on my FB account!
Great blog,

Millions Of Atoms Man said...

CNN ripped you off!