Mommy Confession: I Hired a Maid

And, being a stay at home mom, that tops the list of being a lazy slob doesn't it? I mean aside from the bon bons I spent years eating, while I watched soaps on TV and ignored my children, I wasn't satisfied with my laziness. No, I had to go and hire a maid to clean my house. I'm a terrible human being! This wasn't an easy decision to reach, and I spent many months contemplating whether getting some help would be a good idea or not. Then of course, I asked myself the questions which needed to be asked, and now you can sit back and picture me having a discussion with myself, while I lay in bed exhausted one night a few weeks ago.

Do you need help?

Probably not.

Are you tired?

Hell yes!

Do you accept defeat that it's all becoming impossible to handle yourself?

Never!

Can you make up your damn mind?

Fine! I'll hire someone to take over my house and my life, maybe she can also be J's second wife.

Stop being so melodramatic, and stop rhyming words ffs!

I'm not hiring help, because I'm not a working mother

Oh please! Think of long coffee mornings and true peace.

Sold!

Good girl!

I'll give it a one month trial.

Pain in the ass!

So, now I have a maid, who is not a child, or even a teenager, or even a young adult, but neither is she old. And, I still do the laundry. Don't ask why, because it has something to do with a temporarily faulty machine which the maid cannot handle. No, I don't want any big wig company gifting me a spanking new washing machine. Oh wait, why would they care? I'm not a millionaire blogger. **snicker**

Anyway, so much for quiet, peaceful coffee mornings. Not that it's not fun, I really don't have much to do after the natives leave the house. Of course, the hour and a half before they all leave is enough to drain half my energy. But, overall I'm in a much better mood when the kids come home, have more energy to spend time with them doing kid stuff, help with homework, and cook their favorite meals. I could get addicted to this fancy life.

Or, I could get a job.

Which is another thing I have time for now. Seriously, I actually have time to job hunt, but I sit here writing something which is not job related at all. Judge me all you want, but I earned this vacation. I have twins you know, with no maid, no help, no babysitter, nothing for five years. Five! If you think it's not that bad, may you be "blessed" with twinfants and no assistance. That's all I'm going to say about that. Don't knock the SAHM lifestyle until you've tried it my friends. It's not as easy as we make it look! And, no I am NOT, repeat NOT saying working mothers are horrible parents and have it easy, so please let's not make it about that. Besides, the term "working mother" is redundant isn't it?

Daddies be quiet, this is not about you.

It's about me.

And, my maid.

She's working out really well surprisingly. And, I don't even have to stalk her and insist she do this or that, and anyone living in PK will appreciate what I'm saying. In fact, if I tell them she actually thinks for herself and sticks to a schedule, they might want to steal her from me, and keep her in a glass case in their living room, so they can pay her homage.

Life is good with her around (by good, I mean easier) and I truly am enjoying the break, working on long forgotten projects I planned but never had time for.

Like hour long showers.

Moral of the story: Don't be ashamed to get some domestic help, even if you're a stay at home mom.

Saying 'F-You' the Internet Way!

I'll apologize in advance for any typos in this post, since I just saw a bright, shocking pink van pass by below my balcony. On a cold, dreary winter evening like this, it nearly blinded me much like Mariah Carey's bling must have blinded all those who caught a glimpse of her, at the Golden Globes this year. What is up with that woman and her horrendous dress sense? And, who was that little boy with her? Is that the male mid-life crises, sports car equivalent for women now?

So, this week has been busy with the usual this, that, kids and the other. Being online has been nothing but a headache, and I was about ready to burn switch off my computer for a while, and take a break from way too much drama, when I noticed I'd been defriended by someone on Facebook. Now, this is only the second (or third) time this has happened to me in the last three years that I know of, because really, I don't login everyday and count how many friends I have online. Who cares right?

Anyway, it got me thinking about the craziness surrounding online interaction, and how social networks, message boards, chat services etc. all enable passive aggressive behavior. Stop and think for a moment... How many "Fuck you" buttons are there available online which don't really let you say what you want to say, but allow you to be passive aggressive?

The Ignore Button

It's available on message boards, on chat. Facebook calls their one the "Hide" button... And, even your cell phone probably has one for calls you want to avoid right? So, now you have the option of not reading stuff you don't want to read, from people who are on your "friends" list. It's so easy to click that little button, and if you do it a lot, then I'm betting you don't have the balls to tell your friends to just shut the fuck up when they spew out crap. Oh, and hiding Farmville and CafeWorld updates on Facebook does not count. I do it all the time, because I'm not interested in how many imaginary beef stews someone has on their online stove, that they made too much of, and absolutely must share with all their six hundred friends, eight times a day.

The Report Button

Really! Is this Kindergarten? Do these sites not realize how much they're enabling the uptight people who lack spine? Some people like to report everything! They're like dude, she posted the word "sex" in her response to me, that's totally unacceptable, I think she's a closet lesbian, and that goes against my religious beliefs which require me to wear magical underpants (even though I do think she's hot), so I'm going to report her post! And, before you know it, some pompous moderator sends you an email asking you to refrain from intimidating other posters with your trash talk. Because, apparently the word 'sex' reminds some people how little of it they get, and that's not right.

The Remove from Friends Button

Aka the de-friend button in Facebook jargon. And, this has undoubtedly got to be the most childish, idiotic and cowardly button of all. I understand many friendships end, but come on people... No need to abuse the button. Again, for those who lack the balls to actually send someone a note saying Hey, this friendship is over, it's perfect! Whatever happened to good old fashioned "Getting it off your chest" "Talking it out" "Addressing the issue" with a friend? Not that it's not healthy to cut the toxic ones out of your life sometimes, but having the option to just remove someone from your online social circle with one click, is driving people to some pretty pathetic behavior. We're all like OMG she posted six comments to her other friend's status update, and didn't even "Like" mine... Defriend, defriend, defriend! I'm all powerful, you don't deserve to socialize with me on Facebook anymore. So there!

WTF?

The Like Button (OK, not officially a passive aggressive one, but...)

... Why no 'Dislike' button? And, if someone doesn't click the 'Like' button on my update, should I assume they don't like it? If I were insecure, I'd stay up nights wondering why no one likes the song lyric I posted recently because I was bored. They didn't click the button, they must hate me, so I'll defriend them now, the traitorous gits!

The Ban Button

A power hungry, message board administrator's dream. Enough said!

The Block Button

Seriously? If it's not a stalker who wants your body, what is the need may I ask? Is defriending someone not enough? No, let's block them and really show our loathing.... From behind the screen, where we're safe, and they can't find us... Ever! After we change our phone number, or move to Tibet.

Why do so many social networks enable this piss poor behavior? I thought the internet was all about bringing people together, opening up lines of communication never known before, giving people a platform to express themselves, share thoughts, ideas, likes, dislikes. A place where adults can interact without imagining they're in grade school.

Why are we screwing it up for ourselves?

The Green Eyed, Hateful Kind!

So, I'm going to talk about hate filled people today, and not just your average hate filled person. There is one particular brand of people who go through life hating everyone, and they are none other than... Social outcasts. Not, the ones who try to fit in, not the ones who get shunned for their looks or brains, but the ones who envy everyone and everything around them, instead of just attempting to better themselves.

Do you remember this type of person in high school?

She was always the one glaring at you when you laughed, turning her nose up your new outfit, tattling to the teacher for imagined offenses, spying/stalking/eavesdropping and generally making a nuisance of herself, so much so that everyone avoided her.

And, then she cried foul.

Because she was hateful.

And, a fugmuppet*.

Later, she grew up physically and didn't like what she saw in the mirror, because all that frowning and nose wrinkling etched a permanent look of disdain on her face, which no amount of face cream could ever erase. And, so she hated people more, because she was unhappy with herself. She then proceeded to stir shit every chance she got, and loathed anyone who was liked and respected. She's still visible in groups today, buttering up the right people, handing out sob stories to win sympathy, and attempting humor which makes little to no sense. She puts on a fake face and wins attention.

While inside, she's still seething.

And, plotting her revenge.

I've always disliked this kind of person, and got into way too much trouble in school defending people who she decided she hated. I was also on the hate list, but didn't give a rat's ass generally, because I'm tough, what with being a Pakistani chick and all. What startles me though, is how this hate is carried into adulthood and how much it grows. It's very, very sad, and downright ridiculous. People like this really need to find their own island, and live together in perfect haterimony.

But, of course they won't.

And, now with the internet, and it's various social networks, they're full of glee as they sit protected behind a screen and spew their venom, and imagine all the fun everyone else is having at their expense. Why they don't move on, and get some therapy is beyond me. I mean, I know it's not possible for them to get laid regularly, or even occasionally, but really!

Buy a vibrator!

And, leave people alone.

I've always taken the internet for what it really is. A nice resource, and a time suck. It's perfect for everyone who cares to have a little down time, catch up with friends, exchange jokes, stories, links, constantly update on Twitter and Facebook.. Indulge in wasteful creative blogging. So, when I log on, the last thing I want to see is crap ass drama.. Not that I don't enjoy drama from time to time, but it has to be good. I mean if you're going to do the wrong thing and create trouble, at least put some effort into it, and do it right. Sitting in back rooms plotting the destruction of nice people, with your own hateful kind is not the way to go. Stalking is not cool either, and on the internet it just makes you look pathetic. So, please be constructive.

And, start by getting a life!

*Thanks G - Your expressions are the best!

Daddy is Not a Babysitter!

So, I'm sitting here and once again wishing people would stop congratulating me on what a fabulous husband I have. Not that he isn't fabulous, there's no doubt about that, but like any other husband and father, he does not require (or want) a pat on the back for doing his duty as a parent.

A few things worth mentioning...

When told he changed our babies diapers

People smile at him in amazement

When they hear he also bathed the babies

Most women swoon, as if he's Edward Cullen in the sparkly flesh

When I mention he cooked dinner for the family

They rush to the stores which sell trophies, and purchase one for him

When I go out with my friends

It's "Aww it's so sweet that your husband babysits the kids"

Babysits? He co-parents our kids!

I do not understand this, and really don't understand this almost religious adoration shown to men who "help" their wives with the children on some odd occasion. Why do we refuse to see it for what it really should be? Parenting! It's what needs to be done. It's what we're supposed to do. Change the diapers, prepare the meals, tend to cuts and scrapes, soothe a crying child... Parenting! Some of my friends think I'm pretty ungrateful because I dismiss their gushing over how "helpful" my husband is. Let me say this to them... I love my husband, I appreciate many, many things about him, I'm thankful for tons more, but I do not need to pay him homage when he spends half an hour with the kids, so I can cook dinner in peace. He doesn't want the thanks, and neither do I want to be constantly thanked for everytime I wash a dish.

There are many women who I think need to grow a little backbone, or alternatively stop treating their husbands like idiots who are capable of accomplishing only one small task at a time. They may surprise you, believe me. They're more than capable, and if they're not? They'll learn to be, and unlike small five year old children, they do not need us standing on the sidelines cheering them on.

It's time most stay at home moms mothers around the world also stepped back a bit, and allowed these guys to be fathers. Admit it, we take on too much, attempt to do everything ourselves, put our lives, interests, wants and needs firmly in a box and lock it. And while we're happily doing all that, telling ourselves we're so great, because we do everything to nurture our children, and shower them with love, we tend to forget there's another parent around, who needs to nurture and love those kids too. And, more importantly, the children need him to do that, free and clear of mommy butting her nose in. He may work 9-5 or 9-9 or whatever, but when he's around, he's right there and perfectly capable. And, don't give me that He works all day and is usually tired crap... We all work all day and are tired, get over it!

Step back.

And, when it's all done, hold the thanks and give conversation a chance. Let him talk about his time with the kids... And, listen. You may be surprised when you notice he needs no thanks, and isn't looking for any.

Because, he actually enjoyed his time with his children.

The Good, the Bad, and the Fugly!

Hmm, thinking, and some more thinking, attempting to brainstorm for fresh and interesting topics I can blog about... Coming up with nothing all frickin week!

I'm pathetic.

I suppose everyone is well past the whole Yippeee it's 2010, let's make resolutions we'll forget about next week. Thank goodness it's over, because I got so sick of listening to people go on and on about diet and exercise (that tops the list every year doesn't it?), putting the past behind them, saving more money, taking out more "me" time blah blah blah. No one mentions enjoying sex more, or anything fun...

Like selling the kids.

Can you tell I'm not in the greatest of moods? Well, that's because I'm tired. It's been non-stop chaos in our house since a week before Christmas. Everyone was home (that alone increases my stress levels to epic proportions by day 3), everything needed to be done, people visited and stayed long past their welcome, the kids got way too many toys, it rained cardboard boxes and batteries all over my living room, while their room's floor vanished under an avalanche of toys. The laundry pile kept increasing, no matter how much I grabbed from it, and threw into the wash machine, often without any detergent or water, because I was trying to hide the excess clothes in there, and fully planning to burn wash them in the new year. And, I got tired of all that before the year ended.

Then, 2010 came along and, my already quite grumpy and tired self logged on to Facebook for some nice rest and relaxation, some new year wishes, some Bejeweled Blitz. But, I ended up getting cyber assaulted by some psychotic loon instead. Who also happens to be an old friend... Now former. Very former! So former in fact, that if I turned around, and looked behind me through a telescope, I would not be able to spot them. Yes, it was that bad, and I'm glad it's over. Good riddance and all that, because seriously, some people are just plain fucked up.

This attack was a surprise, although not a big one. I detected some weird behavior over the course of 2009, and expected this person to spontaneously combust at some point. Did not expect that to happen all over my computer monitor. And, I honestly didn't know what to do when it happened... Well, because for one, my nice screen got all messed up with the combustion, and second of all... It was the frickin holiday season for the love of sanity! People tend to enjoy the holidays, with family events, parties, fun, alcohol. Not indulge in bat shit crazy drama, with a side of crap, and vomit for dessert.

On New Year's Eve!

WTF? Who, pray tell me decides to let loose their pent up anger on new year's eve? In an email? At midnight? Thank goodness the internet on my phone sucked so I didn't see the crap till Jan 2nd. But, come on... New Year's Eve? (How many times did I say that?) A time for fun? Drinks? Fun? (OK, OK, some people sleep through it, and they're not losers) But, why would someone, anyone not want to smooch the hell out of their significant other at midnight on New Year's Eve, if they're awake? Why would they be on the internet creating drama, and blasting off hate mail all over the place? It's madness! It's pathetic! It's sad!

It's blog fodder*

So, anyway... We've reached the end of week one of the new year, and I'm already up to my pupils in schedules, routines, homework, laundry (still planning the bonfire since my motto of "A load a day, keeps heaps away" went to hell in a laundry basket.) And, am not ashamed to admit that I was relieved when everyone left the house early Monday morning, back to their regular routines of school, work and general out of the houseness. After they left, I locked the door and wept.

Tears of joy!

Happy New Year everyone... Have a great 2010.

*Stolen from my good friend @marymac, because she's so good with the words.