Tired of being a Pakistani

After recent events in Pakistan, where yet another life is taken, yet another voice is silenced, we realize we're not so much back at square one, but that we never moved from there at all. 

I'm tired of the blame games, the finger pointing, the defense of dogma, the useless rants of liberals, the silence of moderates, and the fanaticism running rampant in this nation. The bloodshed. The despair. I am tired of people jumping up to defend their religion, after every tragedy. As if that makes all the difference. It does not. 

I'm tired of the dependency on scripture and Holy Books, as if they are the only source of moral codes for what is right and wrong. They are not.

I am tired of searching for hope in all the madness, tired of those who have stopped searching for it, and so tired of those who hold on to it, preach about it, offer prayers for it, then sit back and live in it with comfort, and a solid dose of denial.

I am tired of shielding my children from the news, tired of attempting to explain to them why it's not safe to go here, or there. So very tired of words like "terrorists" "assassination" "serfs" "elite" "fatwa" "minorities." "Shia, Sunni, Ahmedi, Christian, Hindu, religion, rights, law, repeal...  Blasphemy."

I'm tired of news channels, and their panels of 'experts' engaging in so called discourse, with some borderline hard core extremist, hell bent on defending bloodshed. I am tired of people taking to the streets, and burning flags of nations they could not find on a map, setting ablaze vehicles of hardworking individuals, destroying public property, as if it is their duty to stand up for themselves in such a barbaric manner.

I am tired of no longer reacting in shock, when I hear of tragedies.

I am tired of watching news clips of bomb sites, in all their gruesome glory, and only feeling grateful it wasn't me, or my loved ones who perished.

I'm tired of the poverty, and the power hungry who prey on the poor. I am tired of those who can do something about it, but do not. I'm tired of people telling me to 'get out' if I don't like it, and just as tired of people telling me to 'stay and fight' so we can have peace. 

I'm tired of constantly being confronted with the fact, that the only way to achieve peace is to fight for it.

I am very, very tired of being a Pakistani.

But, I cannot be anything else.



Anonymous said...

"I'm tired of constantly being confronted with the fact, that the only way to achieve peace is to fight for it." You would think that after Egypt that reasoning could be retired forever.

JenB said...

I wish that I could tell you that I understood what you felt, but I cant. I can only make vague comparisions to the way I feel about the US, but it wouldnt be near what you anf family have been through. But your words do a very good job expressing the frustation and pain I know that you are feeling...thank you for sharing them. Love you.

Caffeinated Bliss said...

Anonymous, I don't usually respond to people who prefer to stay unknown, but I had to respond to you. Maybe we watched different events unfolding in Egypt? Because, I saw them fighting for peace and stability, and how bravely they did it too.

And, that is my point precisely.. If Pakistanis stand up for this country (and many do) it will be (and is) one big fight. It was not a walk in the park for the Egyptians, so lets not do them a disservice by suggesting that.

Anonymous said...

Superb, to the point.

A Baig said...

This is the best depiction in words of what so many of us feel.

Anonymous said...

This is so representative of how I feel sometimes :( but we cannot be pessimistic, can we? However hard it is? Because what else do we have?