Drama, Teenagers and Agatha Frickin Christie!

Not much else besides that seems to be filling up, what just happens to be our 7th wedding anniversary weekend celebration. The conversation a few days ago went something like this...

J: My school kids are doing a play, I need to supervise

Seriously! You're a MATH teacher.


And, later...

J: Can you come help out a little?

Dude, I'm a working mom (redundant term isn't it?), and you're SO in need of a second wife. (Totally legal in our country btw).

And, so I envisioned my weekend going to hell, because that's what you expect when you think you're going to be surrounded by a bunch of teenage wannabe superstars, with chips on their shoulders, and acne where blush would otherwise look good.

Not a hint of wannabeism, the chips were barely visible, and the lack of acne made me wonder how much sex they were having, or whether they just all have great parents, who insist on a year round healthy diet of fruit and veggies. 

At first glance, they seemed disorganized, loud and erratic. Their supervisor (the Huz) did not seem to be helping matters. I will never understand how he can be yelling at a kid one second, and laughing hysterically with them the next. I wanted to run from the madness , which consisted of much messing up of lines, literal dragging of feet, and no one seeming to have a fucking clue what the word 'places' means in an on-stage production. 

I met and dealt with 'The beauty,' 'The beast,' 'The class clown,' 'The stud,' 'The bookish mouse,' 'The genius.' and everyone in between. Gay clothing, hairspray,  girls boldly stating they did not feel ashamed to change in front of me, then promptly stripping,  boys not very careful either, hair straightening irons, female bickering over hair and make-up (OMG the bickering!!!) I was in a Pakistani, missionary, High School Musical hell.

Thankfully it wasn't Vanessa Hudgens' voice belting out from the speakers, or I would have killed them all.

I had the best time.

These kids... Umm, young men and women....

I was struck by their niceness, amazed at how hard they worked, and loved how much they cared about their play. This is the stuff young people are made of, and the older more cynical amongst us, would do well to remember that.


You know who you are, asshats! Stop criticizing the kids.

They put on a show, which rocked the house. A hilarious Agatha Christie play happened. Their talent was impressive, their humor typically teen, their passion? Outstanding. 

And, they did it all on their own.

Little to no help, just given a task, and expected to do a great job, sometimes with needless interference. And, support? Umm WTF is that when it's just a bunch of teens right? 


OK, so back to what I planned would be a review of the production (much as I'd love to rant endlessly about asshole people I spotted adults). 

And, don't even get me started on the 'Christian' presence I observed there. Seriously people! You have so begged me to (yet again) rant about you. Another blog post though.

 

 

 

On second thought... screw the review. I recommend you go see it. If you can't, then go see something undertaken by teens from start to finish. You might be surprised by how professional kids can be.

Never Turn 30 - In Just 7 Days!

Recently, my Facebook notifications page has been flooded with requests from friends, asking me to join the new Ponds, Never Turn 30 fan page. Out of complete curiosity, and not once thinking that maybe Ponds invented a new face cream which can turn back the clock for the past 30 crowd, I clicked on the link. Over 20,000 fans, (and I'm betting so many of them are over 30, including most of my friends who sent me the request to join in the first place.) What's wrong with this picture?

Absolutely nothing! Because, in this good old land of the pure, we expect (see: demand) that 1) Our women look eternally youthful. 2) Maintain a "fair" complexion. And, most recently 3) Never turn 30.

I can't say this any other way, but how it always sounds in my head... Are you fucking kidding me? From the whole wide world of advertising slogans to create for their anti-ageing skin cream (which btw they promise works in just 7 days), they go with "Never Turn 30." So, dear Ponds, WTF?

With Fair & Lovely continuing to do a booming business in Pakistan, brides to be going bat shit crazy trying to lighten their skin for their new husbands (and, mother hen-laws), the Sunday Dawn newspaper's "Matrimonial" section requesting "pretty", "fair", or "light complexion" girls for their "Smart, handsome, tall, U.S. Green Card holder" sons (another rant, another blog post) and numerous concoctions of "fairness" inducing creams, either homemade or available at salons across the country, there is my friends something very, very wrong with our society. 

And, much as I love him, Shahrukh Khan is an ass for promoting "Fair and Handsome" for men.

I want a fair daughter-in-law.

Her kids are so cute because she married a gora.

The younger sister is so much prettier (because her skin is several shades lighter than the other one).

Did you go to the beach? OMG you've become so black.

What does he see in her? She's so dark!

Common phrases heard around town.

And, while we're at it, let's not turn 30. I mean, I can't do that since I'm over 30 anyway, but if I were a 20 something, I'd want to not turn 30 so bad, I'd apply the new  Ponds anti-ageing face cream, dress my wrists in crystal bracelets, and dance naked around burning mint leaves, for seven straight days, praying to the gods to strike me dead when I hit 29.

We are a fickle bunch of women if this is the kind of BS we depend on to define ourselves. We are setting a horrible example for our daughters, if we insist that youthful skin is paramount to our success, be it in securing a job or a husband (I almost vomited while typing that, because I'm allergic to the "securing husband" business as well). 

The feminist in me is spitting tacks over this 30 = Over the hill nonsense, and so is the spa loving, high heel shoes adoring, herbal facials (for purely relaxation purposes) obsessed woman in me.

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.  ~Author Unknown

New Moon - Wolf vs Vampire

Right, so, here I am, coffee cup steaming, laptop switched on (It's almost never switched off, but who cares?) and fingers-a-tingling as I get ready to piss off part of the female population around the world. Because.... I'm going to talk about New Moon - The Twilight Saga. I ranted about the books once, and forgot to put a disclaimer at the top of my post, which pissed someone off a little. But, that's all water under the bridge now, and I have to rant a little about the whole OMG-New Moon-the-movie-is-almost-out gagfest taking the world by storm.

I will be killed. There is no doubt in my mind, that a bunch of women will descend on me and rip the limbs off my body, and then use them as burnt offerings for the god of all gods... EdwardfrickinCullen! And, I doubt Cullen would call down from the heavens and ask them to sacrifice a lamb instead. The darling boy would probably yell "Don't BURN her you idiots! Bring me her blood!! Edward would want my blood, trust me. It's good blood.

Anyway, so New Moon, where Edward is not around and attempts suicide in Italy by public sparking, before Bella saves his ass. Of course, before all that, Bella attempts suicide herself, clearly because what'shiswolf is not a good enough kisser. I mean a wolf's breath cannot compare to the breath of a vampire people! If you had a choice, would you kiss an animal who ate meat, or a corpse who drank blood?

No contest!

Do I come across as a mocking bitch? (Isn't that some kind of bird?). Well, I'm not. If you read between the lines, you'll see (look really hard... it's there I promise) just how this is all my jealousy talking. I'm envious of Bella Swan. First of all, her name is so pretty... Isabella Swan. Anyone with a one syllable name would envy that. Secondly, she has the most fascinating love life (lives?). A vampire and a werewolf are both in love with her. What are the chances of that ever happening to me? I've never had such exotic type men love me in my whole life. Plenty of dogs yes, but dogs are not wolves... not since they evolved and shit.

So, I'm jealous of Bella Swan and I want to be mean about it. I want to say it's a crappy, god awfully long story which nearly cured my insomnia, and the first movie was blah. It makes me feel less jealous. Venting is so therapeutic don't you think?

Oh and, I'll watch New Moon, please don't doubt that. I'll do it in much the same way I stop to stare at bad road accidents.

Throw your tomatoes if you must... and bring your hatchets... My limbs await you.

Thank Goodness It's Over!

I just got done with reading Breaking Dawn, the last book in the Twilight saga. And, I'm so happy because my curiosity has been sated and mainly because I never have to read those books again. My initial rant a couple of days back was just that, a rant. Now, I'm just uneasy thinking about all those young girls who are obsessed with these books (having not read other books to begin with). I don't know what this Meyers chick was thinking sending out all these ridiculous messages all wrapped up in "perfect love" to teenagers.

Rarely do I have a problem with books, and I'm completely against banning them and all that crap, but seriously... Apparently 85% of teen girls think this series is based on a true story? WHAT? And, there are mothers who have bonded with their daughters because of this series? Is that how shallow grown women have become? Or is this whole marble cock crazy shit going too far?

What is wrong with those stupid women?

They consider this whole control shit acceptable. This Edward vampire completely taking over a teenage girl's life, sneaking into her room to watch her sleep, listening in on her conversations, all but choosing her friends, telling her where she can and cannot go, following her around, having his family hold her captive in his house is nice? It's love? He's supposedly protecting her from all sorts of dangers when he himself is the biggest threat to her... WTF?

The character of Bella is pathetic... 100% completely and totally pathetic. She has zero self-esteem (even though she can clearly make friends within minutes and have half the guys in school falling all over her as soon as they see her) and considers herself too plain and downright sad compared to the startling beauty of her 17 year old male vampire love interest. And she can't live without him... Nope, not a chance. The first time she falls in love it's completely OK to want to give up her entire life for this guy, and not have the ability or desire to live without him. Cliff jumping is clearly the way to go when your boyfriend dumps you... because you couldn't manage to kill yourself by restoring and riding a motorcycle. Again WTF?

Later, they wait to have sex till they're married (even though she doesn't WANT to get married, but he forced her so what the hell, she'll just do it because he's the bestest) and on their honeymoon, covered in purple bruises after their night of love, she's happy and wants to do it again. Hmmm I can SO see myself "bonding" with my daughter over something like that.... NOT.

On and on it goes, with this sad, sad girl supposedly making her own choices, which are really not choices at all, just idiotic bullshit at it's finest. She gets knocked up by her vampire husband and decides to risk her life to have the baby/vampire. Is it just me or is there some serious religious bullshit being shoved down young girls throats in this saga?

A love story aimed to interest this generation, some light and fun reading for the millions of young girls out there. Two characters who captivate their prey as they were meant to, with a blend of fantasy and just the right touch of familiarity to keep them hooked. As a woman who has loved, lost and loved again, I find it ludicrous. As a parent I find the messages in there a little chilling.

Twilight

OK, so I'm almost done with Breaking Dawn, (fourth in the Twilight series) now because the need to know what was so appealing in these books finally got to me. It's interesting enough... good story line too. BUT I DO NOT SEE the fascination with Edward Cullen. WHAT appeal for the love of all things magical? NOTHING, nada, zilch. Not for me at least.

Edward frickin Cullen is. a. CONTROL freak, so what's to like? He's 17 physically and over 70 mentally, and he falls for a 17 year old virgin? What's to like? He all but destroys the best part of her teenage years, so what's to like? His skin is like marble... Marble? Couldn't there be another word to describe skin? What's to frickin LIKE? I am totally convinced that any female who find this character so completely intoxicating has a few marbles loose, or is about 14 mentally with no exposure to the real world. Sheesh!

And Bella is insane. NO life. Edward this, Edward that. Edward spend every night with me watching me sleep, then be with me in school all day, then come home with me and stay till you have to leave, then sneak in my window and repeat last night. I don't want friends, I don't want an education, I don't want a relationship with my parents (but I will cook food for my father every night for some stupid reason) Oh and I want to have sex with you but I have to wait because you want me to wait till we're married. And WHY? Because you clearly do not move with the times my lovable marble like maniac... You're a blood thirsty killer, BUT, you think chastity is important before marriage.

Arrgh... I see a series of Twilight posts coming up in the next week or so. I have to rant it out here... J is so sick of listening to me snort with disgust, spit tacks and spew my immortal venom at him when I can't keep it in any longer.