Apologies! My Kids Were Not Featured on Facebook Today!

My kids did nothing worthy of a Facebook status update today, and I am SO bummed!

I woke them up with the usual, Rise and Shine... Brighter than the sun, and all the nighttime stars, for thou art both brilliance in little bodies. - But, nothing. They groaned, moaned, one promptly fell back asleep, the other flashed a fake smile, grabbed her pillow and made her way to the couch.

After they were dressed and ready to leave, I took pause from my usual yelling at them to hurry the hell up, and  gave them their daily instructions: Read all your lessons well, pay attention to the teacher, make sure your hand goes up first to answer any and all questions, score 100 points for Gryffindor! - The kissed me somewhere around my mid-section and left.

Pick up from school, and I expected them to once again assault me with their brilliance. - One cried, the other dragged his water bottle on the ground, and kept asking me ridiculous questions such as "What's for lunch?"

No homework today, so it's really the teacher's fault, for not assigning them a book report on Of Mice and Men. She cost me a photo opp on Facebook, and will receive a note from me tomorrow.

In the evening, after several attempts by me to make them swallow some non-fiction, adult reading materials whole, they opted for TV instead, and some form of insane running around the house. Read the Dictionary at LEAST!! I yelled. - They ignored me.

Dinner time, and there could have been some much awaited brilliance.... Had I not served french fries with their chops.

By bedtime, my patience had worn thin, and my empty social networking pages screamed for something. Anything!! So, the usual stories were not read, the nightly hugs and kisses dismissed, while we discussed OPK (Other People's Kids). Laptop on... Well, my lap, I read them every single Mommy Brag I could find online, till they cried with shame, and begged for mercy. 

There is no room for average children in this house! I said with finality.

They promised they'd do better tomorrow.... So wait for the update.

Is it Wrong?

That every time my kids talk about stuff they're going to do when they grow up, like get married (their newest favorite thing to talk about) or become three or more of the six hundred things they want to be when they're older, or back talk adults because now they're kids and have to be "prespectful" (respectful) and "all that stuff grown ups think is how kids should be" ***insert gagging noises*** I remind them that it can happen only if they go to college first?

B was talking to the neighbor the other day, and she asked that typical adult to child question. "So what do you want to be when you grow up?" His standard response this month has been "A ROCK STAR." Up till last month, he wanted to be a red sports car, and the month before, a red dragon. This kid is obsessed with the color red, and I swear his TV time is limited. So, she's just about to alter the look of amusement on her face, (what would she have thought, had he told her her wanted to be a computer game and live in a monitor?) when he follows with "But, I have to go to Rock College first." She: Do you mean music school? He: No, Rock College is where rockers go to learn all about becoming Rock Stars.... You can't do anything in life if you don't go to college you know............ My mom says so."

He sounded like a parrot. His eyes took on a glassy look. How often do I say those words to my five year olds? How much am I brainwashing my kids? And, do they know when I say college, I really mean therapy?

Because, that's what J and I are saving for.

Our New Digs!

The last couple of weeks have been nothing but a whirlwind of activity, while we packed up our stuff and moved into our new home. Good Lord! What a boring start to a blog post. Let me try again.

Moving can be a royal fucking pain in the ass!

When one has OCD!

Better?

Anyway, quick history. We were looking out for another place for a while now, and finally came across something which suited us well. However, since we're Pakistani and all, what suits us might not be considered acceptable for most people. Yes, I mean you western types. You should know that in Pakistan, everyone lives in huts.

Yes, huts!

We razed everything the British built for us after they left.

Who needs fantastic architecture right?

Contrary to what people in the west get to see on the news, Pakistan is a typical third world country, and we are poor. Dirt poor. So poor in fact, that only the very rich among us can afford to bake bricks to lay as walls for their homes. The rest of us poor folk settle for thatched roofs and bamboo walls, straw or mud flooring, and four foot holes in the ground which serve as our toilets.

But, we have wireless internet!

I get so tired of people constantly thinking we Pakistanis are a modern country. Tired of them thinking we have cable television, cars, fine dining restaurants and educational institutions. Tired of them thinking some of us actually wear western clothes, shop at malls and ***gasp*** speak English! So, I'll take this moment to give credit to my Mexican born English translator, without whom I could never blog, or sign my name. She's the "Press 1 for English" kind in case you were wondering.

Her family who have lived in America for a decade still press '2.'

So, our new house. It's fantastic, and since words cannot do it enough justice, I asked a British tourist to take a picture of it for everyone to see. In exchange I gave him some flat bread which was supposed to be my kids' dinner.

Isn't it awesome?

We're ordering our furniture from Pottery Barn!

Pictures of the interior coming soon! Have a good weekend everyone!

Valentine's Day Ideas - Umm Really?

So, I got another email forward today, and no there were no corpses in it. But, what with all the overflowing of love and mush because Valentine's day is tomorrow, this email titled "Valentine's Day Ideas" gave one some insight into how this day should be celebrated with the one you love. Honestly, they were practically insisting everyone do what they suggested.

Heading the list was

1. Think Back

It went on to ask the reader to remember those wonderful days, when they openly demonstrated their love for their spouse, in many small but meaningful ways. I remember writing little notes to my husband (then boyfriend). You know, those cute little bits of paper, with Have a great day hun, I love you... Muuuuah written in purple ink, and decorated with a few hearts? No really, I'm lying, I never did that even though I loved writing in purple ink then. So, I thought, why not write him a little note today, so I could slip it into his shoe tomorrow morning, and won't he be pleasantly surprised to find it. Grabbed my note cards, a black pen (sorry, no purple ink anymore since I'm all grown up now) and chewed the end trying to think of something romantic to write, without sounding 18.

I ended up writing out our grocery list for the week.

2. Create a Top 10 List of What You Like About Your Partner

Again, I tried...

Top 10 Things I Like About You

10. I like that you're a great father and husband, no wait.. I love that.

9. I like how you love me. Umm nope, I love that too.

8. I don't like how that sounded as if I were 15 years old

7. Oh, I like your taste in movies!

6. I like that you'll forget I said such a lame thing.

5. I can't do this.

4. Wait, let me try again.

3. I like how laid back you are.

2. This is the most asinine thing I've ever done.

1. I'd rather buy you boxers.

Moving on...

3. Jolt up happy memories with a blow-up print out of a picture of those "carefree days" and put it in a conspicuous place.

Clearly the author of that has NO idea how depressing it is to see "carefree" pictures of oneself from over a decade ago. Old pictures belong in albums for our children, and their children to laugh over. Please!

4. Instead of sitting in separate chairs while you watch your next movie on television, sit together on the couch, so that you can cuddle, and perhaps even steal a little kiss every now and then. For the Valentine weekend, you could rent a romantic movie.

What? And, not watch some thriller, while we munch take-out pizza, and maybe drink some beer while the kids sleep?

5. Give your partner a nice shoulder rub, a back or foot massage and/or a back scratching session.

Sometimes sex is the answer, believe me.

6. Make a fun desert for after dinner

Fun! After cooking all day, feeding the kids, making menu plans for the week, all I want to really do is cook some more stuff for after dinner. I'll send the kids to the neighbor's house, ignore that they have school the next day, and make dessert with the huz, so we can refuckingconnect! Lovely!

7. Heart Shaped Burgers

You are not.fucking.serious!

I don't get this.. All this "Be romantic" crap for Valentine's Day. I get that it's one of those overly commercial holidays, but can they please leave (some of) us very married people out of it? I love the odd card, and bunch of roses as much as the next wife, but my husband and I don't need to "re-connect" thank you very much. We're connected in ways most 20 somethings won't have a clue about, till they've birthed and lost sleep over a few babies of their own.

Our mundane day to day crap is what re-connects us. Those calls to say "I'll be home late," laughing together about something the kids did, talking about our tiring day every night, or even twice a week, brief "Hey, how are you doing honey?" moments all keep the love steady and strong. I no longer need to give my husband a foot massage to "bond" with him, because the looks we share over our helplessly laughing children's heads, bonds us for life. Completing years of marriage, knowing how much we've overcome, and how far we still have to go, holds us together better than concrete would. I don't have a list of 10 things I like about my husband, because I have a mental list of a billion things I love about him. He lives in our home, he earns a living which feeds my kids, he sleeps in my bed every night, he drops our kids to school each morning, he cleans up puke off the carpet ffs.

That's better than any store bought Hallmark card, my friends. And, if I want to just kick back, and relax in my PJs, while watching a movie with my husband this Valentine's Day, I will. Our sex life will not suffer for it, so screw you.

Happy Valentine's Day honey, I love you! Don't forget I still love purple roses! :D

Mommy Confession: I Hired a Maid

And, being a stay at home mom, that tops the list of being a lazy slob doesn't it? I mean aside from the bon bons I spent years eating, while I watched soaps on TV and ignored my children, I wasn't satisfied with my laziness. No, I had to go and hire a maid to clean my house. I'm a terrible human being! This wasn't an easy decision to reach, and I spent many months contemplating whether getting some help would be a good idea or not. Then of course, I asked myself the questions which needed to be asked, and now you can sit back and picture me having a discussion with myself, while I lay in bed exhausted one night a few weeks ago.

Do you need help?

Probably not.

Are you tired?

Hell yes!

Do you accept defeat that it's all becoming impossible to handle yourself?

Never!

Can you make up your damn mind?

Fine! I'll hire someone to take over my house and my life, maybe she can also be J's second wife.

Stop being so melodramatic, and stop rhyming words ffs!

I'm not hiring help, because I'm not a working mother

Oh please! Think of long coffee mornings and true peace.

Sold!

Good girl!

I'll give it a one month trial.

Pain in the ass!

So, now I have a maid, who is not a child, or even a teenager, or even a young adult, but neither is she old. And, I still do the laundry. Don't ask why, because it has something to do with a temporarily faulty machine which the maid cannot handle. No, I don't want any big wig company gifting me a spanking new washing machine. Oh wait, why would they care? I'm not a millionaire blogger. **snicker**

Anyway, so much for quiet, peaceful coffee mornings. Not that it's not fun, I really don't have much to do after the natives leave the house. Of course, the hour and a half before they all leave is enough to drain half my energy. But, overall I'm in a much better mood when the kids come home, have more energy to spend time with them doing kid stuff, help with homework, and cook their favorite meals. I could get addicted to this fancy life.

Or, I could get a job.

Which is another thing I have time for now. Seriously, I actually have time to job hunt, but I sit here writing something which is not job related at all. Judge me all you want, but I earned this vacation. I have twins you know, with no maid, no help, no babysitter, nothing for five years. Five! If you think it's not that bad, may you be "blessed" with twinfants and no assistance. That's all I'm going to say about that. Don't knock the SAHM lifestyle until you've tried it my friends. It's not as easy as we make it look! And, no I am NOT, repeat NOT saying working mothers are horrible parents and have it easy, so please let's not make it about that. Besides, the term "working mother" is redundant isn't it?

Daddies be quiet, this is not about you.

It's about me.

And, my maid.

She's working out really well surprisingly. And, I don't even have to stalk her and insist she do this or that, and anyone living in PK will appreciate what I'm saying. In fact, if I tell them she actually thinks for herself and sticks to a schedule, they might want to steal her from me, and keep her in a glass case in their living room, so they can pay her homage.

Life is good with her around (by good, I mean easier) and I truly am enjoying the break, working on long forgotten projects I planned but never had time for.

Like hour long showers.

Moral of the story: Don't be ashamed to get some domestic help, even if you're a stay at home mom.

Hostile to Halloween? Um.. What?

"Halloween has strong roots in paganism and is closely connected with worship of the Enemy of this world, Satan. It is a holiday that generally glorifies the dark things of this world, rather than the light of Jesus Christ, The Truth."

Well then, how can I read something like that and not respond to it, right?

So, this eeeeevil festival of... Candy? Costumes? Jack-o-Lanterns and fun? Satan worshiping? Really?

Shut up!

Seriously, you nutty, over the top, crazy, religious (Christian) people. Just.shut.up.

I'm not going to get into the history of this festival, and how it originated in pagan times blah blah blah. It's all commercial fun now (at least in America it is), and I don't see why it should be such a big deal to Christians. Oh wait, some of them don't approve of the "pagan traditions" and all that. But, they won't stop participating in all those traditions, and rituals the church adopted from the pagans themselves generations ago, then twisted around and merged into Christianity. Christmas and Easter anyone?

Why do some of these religious types insist on keeping worms up their butts? They really shouldn't. It makes them irritable and mean. And, when that happens, they start attacking all the fun stuff this world has to offer us. They want people to stop dressing their kids up in cute costumes, and going out to get free candy from neighbors, they want to burn Harry Potter books, and put condom manufacturers out of business. It's all very sad. And to think, all they would have to do to stop behaving like freakazoids, is take a dose or two of some deworming med. That's not asking too much of them right?

So, anyway... Halloween. We celebrate it every year! We also celebrate Eid and Diwali and Christmas with Santa Claus. You know that big old imaginary guy in a red suit? And, we all know how red is the devil's color, and that Satan really just stuffs himself with food for months before December, gets really fat, adds some white trim to his clothes, and gives kids tons of toys, which brainwash them and make them hate God.

That's what we do. So, when my son decided he wanted to dress up as Jesus this Halloween, I had to say no. "Can't combine religion with heathen practices", I told him. "What's religion?" he asked. "That's a question only grandma can answer" I replied. "Do you know anything?" he muttered. "Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog..." I chanted on my way out of them room, and followed that with an evil cackle, while he cowered in fear, of the whipping he knew was coming.

Later they both told me they wanted to dress up as Ben 10, and one of the Power Puff girls. B was Ben 10 last year, so when he saw his pictures from 08, he promptly decided he wanted to be Ben 10 Alien SWARM instead of regular old, boring Ben 10. Five minutes later, he wanted to be Lightning McQueen... Um That is SO not happening dude! Try again. H of course kept changing her mind too. But, that's only because they're designed to combine their indecision, and make life even more interesting for me than it usually is.

We have less than a week left... Their costumes, after many, MANY suggestions, arguments, tears, laughter and yelling, are nearly ready. There will be no more better ideas, no more planning. Just lots of scary cookie baking, and decorating.

And... All's quiet on the Christian front too.

They must be busy bottling the Holy Water, to douse us with on the 31st.

Facebook Friday!

So, what did you all do while Facebook was down most of this week? And, why do I almost always begin my blog posts with "So...?" Have you noticed? It's really annoying isn't it? I have no idea why I do it.. But, I speak like that a lot of the time, and I guess it's a habit now.

So... How annoying is this, now that I pointed it out to those of you who never noticed?

Back to Facebook, and how it remained inaccessible most of the week. For Facebook fanatics who couldn't log in, the world literally stopped! It was like the End of Days had finally arrived, and many were spotted looking up to the heavens, arms open wide, shouting "We are worthy!." For those who managed to log in, but were unable to access any applications, or update their statuses, it was pure hell on earth. In all seriousness, if the gods had decided to rain tongues of fire down on us, these people would barely have noticed. So deep was their anguish over not being able to play Mafia Wars, or whatever it is they like to do on Facebook.

I had some problems logging in two days ago, and went over to Facebook's main page to see what was up. They had a nice little message posted there which said We are experiencing a technical issue with one of our databases that is resulting in an extended period of maintenance for some of you. We are working on a fix and hope to have this resolved in the next 24 hours. Below that were a number of comments, some of which were hilarious. So, I did a bad thing and copied a few to post here. Also, couldn't resist adding my own little comebacks to them, because I'm mean and like to poke fun at people.

Ready?

wich is why i CARNT AXCESS PROFILES!!!!!!!!!
So typing in CAPS will make them work faster to solve your problem? And, dude! You need to re-learn grammar and spelling.

I keep getting this message askin for my email addy before i can have any gifts i sent it the first time but im gettin a headache seein it again an again when all i want is another pair of jelly shoes
Um.. What?

all americans are dicks
Because your Facebook is not working? How much do you pay your therapist?

wanna knw who view my profile more!
They can't get the site working, dumb ass! I'm guessing your stupid request was ignored.

I hate fucking facebook
Try a human being!

My farmville won't work!! Help me please
Oh no! Did all your crops die? Did they? How badly has this dented your coin bank? Are your cows OK?

it's okay guys
every site had problems
and facebook team are humans
and not gods to not make mistakes
facebook team : i respect you guys and i respect everything you did and you are doing to keep us connected ... Take your time fixing this and don't give a shit about the that impolite comments
Thanks again
When I rule the world, you shall be my Ass Kisser in Chief!

Check out my website while facebook is down http://www.moo-farm.co.uk for fantastic bath products at low prices! Bath bombs, shower gels and much much more! Buy today delivered tomorrow!
OK, I can't say anything bad about a shameless plugger!

I can't go to chat and my cousin just married. FUCK
Were you planning on typing him/her through the ceremony?

Hey my fb's finee. Never broke and im on everyday. Suppose im just lucky ;) ?
People loathe people like you. Always have, always will.

fix it as soon as possible im struggling now
It usually takes about three days to detox, YOU CAN DO THIS!

I didn't miss Facebook much... I've barely been reading status updates lately, or even looking at the zillion and one photographs my friends keep uploading. But, I'm insanely addicted to Bejeweled Blitz and when I couldn't log into the application............. I was fine. No really, it wasn't like I broke out into a cold sweat or anything. My hands didn't tremble, I didn't feel lightheaded and irritable... Nothing like that....

Don't Eff With Me!

So, I was standing out in my balcony this morning, enjoying the first crisp air this city is experiencing after a crap ass summer, and I noticed this guy staring at me. No big deal, guys stare at me a lot, and I'm not saying that because I'm vain or anything. Men look at women! They have to, can't be helped. They can be walking down the street, minding their own business, and suddenly they get a twitch in their pants, and their eyes automatically zero in on the nearest female. The bigger her breasts, the bigger the itch. It's their own personal, built in radar, and we should be accepting of it. And, not jealous, because we have our own radars. But, I won't get into that right now, because writing about female radars could fill several books.

Anyway, so I tried to ignore the idiot, but, I really, really hate it when people stare at me.. It's just annoying. Like dude, look at the beautiful blue sky, appreciate the lovely weather, examine your testicles, maybe your itch is really a rash... Anything! Just don't keep gazing at my breasts ffs!

Finally, I decided to give him my "Don't eff with me look" which is pretty scary if I do say so myself. I've had it for ages, and it just gets scarier with time. It'll probably be horrific when the wrinkles come around, but I don't want to think about that just yet. In the last five years though, I've managed to perfect my "Don't eff with me" look, thanks to the OMG I think I would DIE if I had twins comments hurled at me by numerous asshats. So, unless I birth triplets next time around, which I'm pretty sure is not going to happen, I don't see my 'Don't eff with me' look improving.

But, I'm happy with it.

Not that it holds a candle to the God of "Don't eff with me" looks.


I wish he were my (sugar) daddy! Even now, that he's old and whatever.

Seriously, I have never seen a better "Don't eff with me" look than that. How Ashton ever managed to not crap his pants in the presence of this guy is mind boggling. Ashton must be blind! Because, if I were a 20 something guy, who had the hots for Bruce Willis' ex-wife, and I was not BLIND!! I would never go within fifty feet of her. Never! I mean, has Ashton even watched Die Hard 1?

I think I'll go blow up this picture now, print it out and hang it in the balcony. Not saying the huz doesn't have a great "Don't eff with me" look. He does! And, and even better "Don't effin eff with my effin wife, you mother effin eff" look, but he's not around right now.

So, Bruce it is!

My Favorite People in the World

Now, if only I could say that to some people. But, for reasons best known to the gods of the underworld, it is almost impossible for me to let idiots alone. They fascinate me.

Unlike other (normal) people I cannot pretend they're not around, pretend they're not making any sense, pretend they weren't really born. They're my entertainment and I love them... I really and truly love idiots. I'll take them over television any day of the week.

There I said it.

It's amazing what can come out of the mouth of person who has an empty head. I know my fair share of idiots (I'm really the freak and they are the flypaper), and there's one thing I can always depend on them for, and that is they never disappoint me. No, I mean seriously think about it, of all the people in the world who let you down, an idiot never will. They will always be idiotic, say something idiotic, and they're so consistent. So very, very consistent. Even the people we love, and who love us, fall short from time to time. Husbands, children, parents, pets. Almost everyone.

But, not idiots.

They say such wonderfully, stupid and ridiculous things, it's a wonder people get annoyed with them. If you stop and just listen, you are (and I can guarantee this) in for the best laughter you will ever experience.

Like, when an idiot I knew when I was pregnant, said to me, Are you scared you'll die during your delivery?

Or the other idiot I worked with who every single time the phone on my desk rang would say, Your phone is ringing.

Do you read books? (When you're reading a book) I usually slowly put down the book, and calmly ask them why they're asking. The response almost always is, Well, you're reading a book. I try not to stare at them in wonder and adoration... It never works.

The secret to loving idiots is to NOT immediately react. Pause for a moment (no matter how much you want to hit them over the head with your shoe, yell at them, invent new cuss words just for them), and then imagine telling your friends about what the idiot said, while you sip a refreshing margarita. And you will laugh... I promise, but you have to really let it sink in. Try it.

A lot of my friends don't get my fascination with idiots. They also think it's mean of me to engage the idiots in conversation just so I can laugh about it later (and maybe blog about it sometime). But, never mind that. Laughter is good. I've tried to explain how interesting I think it is that super duper thoughts just appear from nothing in an idiot's head. How does it happen? Surely it can't be credited to God? How can God in all his infinite wisdom place such absurdity into a person's empty skull? There has to be another explanation... There's another co-creator out there, I just know it.

Fascinating people, a rare species of humankind, and truly gifts to be treasured.

Moral of the story? Laugh at idiots!

Kids and Their Caregivers... In Karachi

Putting aside my regular rants, raves and, generally bitchy stuff about this, that or the other. I'm blogging today with chills still running down my spine regarding something I witnessed this afternoon, but was unable to do anything about.

While waiting for the kidlets to get off from school, I entertained myself watching the pre-nursery kids making their way out the gate. A few with their mothers, a couple of fathers, a grandparent or two, but mostly "nannies", and... Drivers. As my eyes moved past a tantrum from a three year old, to a grandfather bending down to retrieve a fallen backpack, I noticed a little girl waiting near a car. She couldn't have been more than three or four years old. And, she was gorgeous.. All big eyes and sweet, tired smile. Her driver who was opening the car's back door, probably to set down her backpack and water bottle in the back seat, was also staring at a woman approaching the school, from across the street. Eyes fixated on her breasts, he threw the bag and bottle into the car and shut the door.

I rolled my eyes, and was just looking away, when I saw him bend down and scoop the little girl up into his arms, while his left palm slipped under her school uniform dress and, came to rest directly under her bottom, cradling it.

And, then he began to massage her bottom.

I felt my blood run cold, and instinctively started toward them. However, I didn't make it to the car in time, and he deposited her in the front passenger seat, got into the car and started to drive away. Where are her parents? screamed a voice in my head. Why do they leave their child in the hands of someone like that?

Important questions, no one answer.

It terrifies me to see such things, and makes me so mad, I could happily commit a violent act. Sadly, in Karachi I see way too much of it. From the uneducated, unqualified "nannies" slapping the hell out of toddlers, to lecherous drivers shuffling children of all ages from home to school, to tuition centers and back home. Rarely do I see parents in sight, and while I can appreciate that there are a number of mothers out working, or in some cases, busy at the hair salons they frequent, and even busier working fathers all over this city. I can't help but ask.. At what cost? Your child's innocence and well being?

Are you aware of what goes on with your child and his/her caregiver?

Is this what it means to be all about getting out there and showing just how damn westernized we are? How wonderfully liberated? Without a thought for our own children? I can rarely shake the feeling that many here do all this, not for themselves, but to prove something. And, it sickens me, because most of them have a narrow view of how things (in the west) are, and how they think they're doing a remarkable job adopting those habits.

I sit right back down in my seat and not send out that job application, not till I'm sure my kids have the safety they need in my absence, and the best care. I don't have all he answers, but neither will I ignore the questions for my own convenience. It's not easy in this city, what with little to no resources for daycare, except of course the available options of "Play Schools" which cater to the bigger wallets, (If you're middle class, forget it. You'll be paying out more than your income), or the little old lady offering inexpensive care for your child. Where the floors are dirty, and one tiny room is crammed to the max with kids ranging from four months to six years.

Of course, I'm not some comfortable, upper class suburban mom, who can afford to kick up her heels and refuse to work. Living in this city with one earning member to support a family of four is tough... doable, but tough. And, if you can't do it, or won't do it, then for goodness sakes give more than a passing thought to your child's welfare. Would random checks hurt? Do offices not allow some time off maybe once or twice a month? Can you not meet for lunch fifteen minutes later? No aunt with spare time on her hands? Can families not come together for the welfare of the kids?

I often wonder what goes through the minds of these parents, these mothers. Do they not think it's possible their child could be molested? Are they living in some kind of dream world, where they're sure their kid will inform them of any strange advances made by their driver/nanny? Do they even think their female "nanny" is a safer bet? Is the gutka chewing, filthy, man leering at women on the streets while driving their child to and from school really a saint? Does he bow his head and kiss her big begum butt so convincingly that she trusts him? What the hell is going on here?

Where are the parents? And why are so many of the more "educated" class in this city allowing this menace to exist in their own homes?

20 Confessions This Week

Too little time to post a whole long and drawn out post this week. Sad really, but I blame the heat which makes me lag behind on every major and minor chore around the house, outside the house, on top of the house... whatever.

01. I signed the kids up for dance class, and now wish I had checked the timings first.

02. Afternoon drives in what the weather bureau claims to be 35 degrees C is unbearable,
even with the air conditioning on full blast.

03. Weather forecasts for this city are always inaccurate.

04. I hate pollution more than everyone else.

05. Dance class does not drain kids of energy, an hour of it is like six tablespoons of sugar
washed down with Coke.

06. My husband cooked dinner today.

07. Because I pretended I was going to, and then let him insist he would.

08. I'm a good wife otherwise.

09. Made a plan to meet a fellow twin mom for breakfast, and kept my fingers crossed she
would be normal, and not one of those moms I love to hate.

10. She was better than normal, she was awesome.

11. My children have taken to wearing nothing when they're home.

12. I can't thank them enough.

13. My washing machine can't thank me enough.

14. It's 10:00pm and I haven't eaten dinner yet.

15. The husband can cook, and cook well... it's just taking a while today.

16. I'm a little hungry but won't ask how long before dinner's ready.

17. Because I'm a good wife like that.

18. My OCD kicked in big time today, and I cleaned like a mad woman.

19. I also decided my dining room needs a makeover, as in paint, new table, some this and
that.

20. Mentioned it to my husband... He pretended he didn't hear me.

M is for 'Mom', Not 'Maid'

Ms. Nosey: Hello
Bad Ass Mom: Hi
MN: I'm Ms. Nosey
BAM: I'm Bad Ass Mom
*
*
*
MN: So, do you work?
BAM: I'm home with the kids
MN: That's great
BAM: (Silently): 10, 9, 8, 7
MN: Do you have a maid?
BAM: No
MN: No?
BAM: No
MN: Why NOT?
BAM: Don't need one
MN: But then **gasp** who does all your housework?
BAM: I do it myself
MN: Yourself?
BAM: Myself
MN: And you also look after the kids?
BAM: Yeah
MN: Who helps you?
BAM: No one really... I have to go now.
MN: So when do you plan to get a real job?
*
*
*
BAM: When bitches like you are thrown out of the workplace and given your rightful place in padded cells, with hourly electric shock treatments.
MN: What?
BAM: Never mind.. Where do you work?
MN: I don't work!
BAM: You don't?
MN: No, I don't
BAM: You stay home with your kids?
MN: Yes!
BAM: And you have a maid?
MN: I have two, one to clean and cook, and one for the children.

BAM rolls her eyes, all the way home.

So Far This Summer

We've only managed to get hit with illness and have spent most of our time indoors. It started with J coming down with a throat infection his first day home (maybe he's allergic to vacation). So he was down for a week or so, and just when he started to get better, Seek and Destroy came down with the same thing. Ugh! Such bad coughs and their fever just wouldn't break. With all my three babies on antibiotics, I was going crazy. Thankfully they started getting better and then it was my turn. Even Fathers Day came and went with barely a celebration. Horrible, Horrible stuff!! We're all better now and the nasty coughs are gone, so we're slowly venturing out a little.

We headed to the beach late Sunday afternoon and spent a good two hours there, then off we went to grandma's to drop off the kids for the night. J and I enjoyed our sleep in Monday.

Today, the kids and I were alone for the most part and had a blast just playing. I ignored all the housework and we had such a blast!!

Well, J is nearly done mixing some margaritas so I'm off to enjoy a relaxing evening with him!!

We have a ton of plans for the remainder of the summer, so more updates as we go along.

Theatrics

After the usual pre bedtime bath, I reminded them to put all their bath toys back in the shelves. They happily did that, and as usual said good night to each toy individually. Which means that each toy got a hug, a kiss, another hug and a whisper or two. Can you picture that? Sweet huh? Now picture two kids taking turns doing that! The last time I timed them, they were much younger, and it took about 15 to 17 minutes, but they're older now, and wiser to mommy's end of the day lack of patience, so it's just takes about 5-10 minutes these days. ;)

H came out of the bathroom and B followed her, then he sighed really loud and announced "It's so hard to say goodbye." To which his sister replied (naturally also with a loud sigh of her own) "Yes, I only like to say hello, goodbye makes me sad." Another sigh.. well, because it's H being H.

Are they watching movies from the 50's that I don't know about?

A Serious Discussion!

B: Why do I have to wear underpants?
Me: Because you're a big boy now
B: Why am I a big boy now?
Me: Um because you're not a baby anymore
B: How did I become a big boy Mommy?
Me: You ate and drank lots of healthy things
B: Not like mice?
Me: (huh?) No not like Mice
B: Why am I a big boy... will I get bigger?
Me: Yes you will, you'll grow into a big boy
Haydn: Will he grow into a pumpkin?
Me: Um no, not a pumpkin
B: A melon?
Me: No
H: An apple?
Me: No fruits.... or vegetables
H: Animals mommy?
Me: I hope not (snickering)
B: That's boring
H: Yeah mommy, that's boring... I want B to be a pumpkin
Me: Why?
H: Because I'm Cinderella
Me: (a laugh)
B: I can't be your pumpkin, I'm your brother
H: Mommy can I have another brother like a pumpkin?
B: No.. mommy will buy us a puppy
H: Really?
B: Yeah
H: I like puppies
B: Me too

Cute, Cute Conversations!

It's been such fun listening to them speak to each other and some of their conversations leave me in stitches! I call this one the "Disney Fan Club Conversation"

B: Hi Daisy
H: I'm not Daisy, I'm Minnie
B: Hi Minnie
H: Hi Mickey
B: I'm not Mickey, I'm Goofy
H: Hi Goofy

Hilarious!! They are so adorable when they're being nice to each other, which is becoming more rare as the days go by.. **sigh**. They argue/fight over almost everything it seems, and I'm so tired of playing referee. I'm hoping it's a phase which passes SOON!!

H had an interesting conversation with me today. While I was cooking lunch she wandered into the kitchen and asked me what I was cooking, so I said "chicken and rice".... then the conversation went:

H: That's nice mommy, did you put peas in it? (Recently they've both refused to eat peas)
Me: No peas hun
H: You should put peas in that mommy
Me: Really? You like peas?
H: No, but grandma says it's good for me....... you should put peas in that. (Nods her head and walks off).

Now if only grandma would tell her that throwing tantrums is NOT good for her LOL.